Wednesday, April 27, 2011

What the hell is the deal with Rolling Stone magazine? It's for old people, right?

There's this "music" magazine called Rolling Stone. I think it was popular with kids in the 1960's. I picked one up in the airport because I only had 2 magazines on me and a long plane flight and neither Muscle & Fitness nor Penthouse Letters looked good. I also bought a $5 water.

Let's take a look at this very odd publication. This issue is called "Special Issue: Best of Rock 2011."
Adele's on the cover. She's the "Best Soul Superstar" in the "Best of Rock" edition. I guess that's cool. Adele is one of those people that everyone likes, right? Not me, especially, but everyone else in the world, apparently.

"Best Anniversary" is Pearl Jam, because it's the 20th anniversary of "Ten." I think the last time I listened to a Pearl Jam song was in 1994. But hey, an anniversary's an anniversary.

The weird thing about Rolling Stone is that it's full of rock acts that no one under 45 has thought about in 20 years. Check this out:

Page 26: "Buffalo Springfield Book First Tour Since 1968." That pretty much says it all. I don't even need to make a joke about that.

NEXT PAGE! Page 28: "Seger Turns the Page With Spring Tour." That's Bob Seger. Not counting truck commercials, he was last heard from around 1985. But if you judge music by Rolling Stone magazine, he is an incredibly Viable and Important Figure in Music.

Page 36: The "Q&A" column is with Ray Davies, who co-founded The Kinks in 1937. He appears to be about 158 years old and wants his brother to know they can still tour if they patch things up. They've been fighting about whether talkies are good for the film industry.

Page 62: In our "Best Of" package, Stevie Nicks is recognized as the "Best Hippie-Queen Earth Mother," apparently just to feature a picture of Stevie Nicks. They left off "Who Once Had People Blow Cocaine Up Her Rectum Because Her Septum Was Too Destroyed to Snort Anymore." That would get more readers I bet!

Page 66: "Best Reunion." Who do you think? Pavement, right? Guided by Voices? Gotta be Soundgarden, right? Nope. It's Rod Stewart & Jeff Beck. If this tour isn't sponsored by Polident, something has gone terribly wrong.

Page 71: One ONE PAGE, both Buddy Miller ("Best Sideman") and Jackson Browne ("Best New Roots") are featured. If you don't know who those people are, don't worry.

Now, in all fairness, the issue also has pieces on Panda Bear, the Fleet Foxes, and Odd Future, but I guess what cracked me up was that it exists in some kind of fantasy world where Bob Seger is relevant in some way.


Anonymous said...

Didn't Rolling Stone recently have Snooki on the cover?

I don't think that magazine knows who its readers are anymore. I'm pretty sure anyone who cares about Bob Seger doesn't care about "Jersey Shore."

Tamagosan said...

RS is one of those magazines that I read from time to time (indeed, airplanes are often involved) and makes me think, "Wow, I am NOT the intended audience of this." But I'm not sure who would be. The interviews are occasionally entertaining, though, and I'm all about their legalization thang, but basically I'm just impressed they get an issue out every week.

Tamagosan said...

...and of course this post made me want to watch an Adele video on YouTube (so there) but THIS VIDEO IS NOT AVAILABLE IN MY COUNTRY. Hmm, guess the American market is negligible. #GuamisAmericagoddamnit

Stoney said...

It's like the Grammys. There's no unifying aesthetic. The only common theme is sales (even sales from decades ago). I picture 60-something music industry guys with expensive sunglasses who say things like "Why don't we have a Lady Gaga? Have you seen her numbers? Get me a Lady Gaga or your fired!"