Friday, April 15, 2011

Misadventures in ocean travel, starring a no-bail warrant parolee

Think YOU'RE having a rough morning? Think again:

A parolee with a no-bail warrant was taken into custody Friday morning after authorities found him on a stolen boat that had run around on Ocean Beach.

KTVU spoke with a U.S. Parks police officer from the Golden Gate National Recreation Area who had some details about how the boat had ended up on shore.

The officer said a jogger reported the boat to park police at around 5:45 a.m. Once officers arrived, they found a man on the boat and questioned him regarding the name of the boat and how it had run aground.

The man had no answers and seemed unsteady on his feet. Authorities determined that he was a parolee with no bail warrant.

It was later determined that the boat had been stolen in Vallejo.

Officers said that it was not clear if man had sailing experience, but it appeared that he had passed out while behind the wheel and drifted for a period of time before running aground at Ocean Beach.

Every day's a good day when you're out on your failboat! (Thanks, KTVU, for the pic.)

OMG I love this story so much. I'm not sure why, but I think it's because it represents the culmination of a series of bad decisions. Back in college, we used the term SLAGIATT (pronounced just like it looks) as shorthand for "seemed like a good idea at the time." The fact that we had an acronym for that, and used it, tells you a lot about my college experience. In fact, that tells you a lot about my life experience, now that I think about it.

So you're Mr. No-Bail Warrant Parolee and you're out and about in lovely Vallejo and need some quick transpo to the city. Do you:

(a) Take the Baylink bus?

(b) Fuck that, I'm a Man of the Sea! I'll take the Baylink Ferry!


Duh. Which is more fun, riding on a boat or driving the motherfucking boat?!?

Also, this made me laugh: "Officers said that it was not clear if man had sailing experience." SIR! SIR! DO YOU HAVE SAILING EXPERIENCE? REPEAT, DO YOU HAVE SAILING EXPERIENCE?

Anyway. It's Friday. Partyin' partyin'. Partyin' partyin'.


Claudia said...

I also love this story. I think I read that he was 35, drunk, and celebrating his birthday. Even better.

Tamagosan said...

Looks like they corrected that first paragraph error. I was just imagining a boat "running around on Ocean Beach".

What is especially not clear is the fact that we're discussing sailing experience when this is not a sailboat.

Also, just thinking of what kind of insurance the owner would need: "There was no word as to how much the salvage operation to get the boat off Ocean Beach was costing the owner."

I do believe the best part is the name of the boat: DANCING WOLFE.

charm said...

And I loved that story too, I was pretty inspired after watching the movie that pampered me with positive thoughts and realizations. You never failed to emphasize this, 'it represents the culmination of a series of bad decisions', that surely counts! Thanks for sharing!
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