SAN FRANCISCO -- A parolee with a no-bail warrant was taken into custody Friday morning after authorities found him on a stolen boat that had run around on Ocean Beach.
KTVU spoke with a U.S. Parks police officer from the Golden Gate National Recreation Area who had some details about how the boat had ended up on shore.
The officer said a jogger reported the boat to park police at around 5:45 a.m. Once officers arrived, they found a man on the boat and questioned him regarding the name of the boat and how it had run aground.
The man had no answers and seemed unsteady on his feet. Authorities determined that he was a parolee with no bail warrant.
It was later determined that the boat had been stolen in Vallejo.
Officers said that it was not clear if man had sailing experience, but it appeared that he had passed out while behind the wheel and drifted for a period of time before running aground at Ocean Beach.
Every day's a good day when you're out on your failboat! (Thanks, KTVU, for the pic.)
OMG I love this story so much. I'm not sure why, but I think it's because it represents the culmination of a series of bad decisions. Back in college, we used the term SLAGIATT (pronounced just like it looks) as shorthand for "seemed like a good idea at the time." The fact that we had an acronym for that, and used it, tells you a lot about my college experience. In fact, that tells you a lot about my life experience, now that I think about it.
So you're Mr. No-Bail Warrant Parolee and you're out and about in lovely Vallejo and need some quick transpo to the city. Do you:
(a) Take the Baylink bus?
(b) Fuck that, I'm a Man of the Sea! I'll take the Baylink Ferry!
(c) I'M FUCKING STEALING THIS BOAT.
Duh. Which is more fun, riding on a boat or driving the motherfucking boat?!?
Also, this made me laugh: "Officers said that it was not clear if man had sailing experience." SIR! SIR! DO YOU HAVE SAILING EXPERIENCE? REPEAT, DO YOU HAVE SAILING EXPERIENCE?
Anyway. It's Friday. Partyin' partyin'. Partyin' partyin'.