I’ll get to the Mad Men in a second, but first let’s talk about Inception. Or rather, let’s talk about the two heavily-floral-scented mid-60s to mid-80s bitches that sat next to me and The Wife at the Century 20 Daly City yesterday and TALKED THROUGH THE WHOLE GODDAM MOVIE.
I knew they were going to be fucking trouble when they started a running commentary during the previews. “Oh, I don’t think I’ll want to see that” and so forth. Whatever, talking during the previews is a grey area but not completely out of line, as long as you shut up by the time the movie starts. Well, not these fucking harpies from the Mouth of Old Lady Hell. Blah blah blah. Actual quote, during a quiet scene, one mossback to another: “Do you like this movie?” OH FUCK YOU BOTH. Finally I leaned over and said “Can you PLEASE be quiet,” and Wrinkled Prune #1 just looks at me. They didn’t talk for 2 whole minutes! Yay! Oh, then Animated Corpse pulls out her Jitterbug and starts making phone calls. I shit you not, I almost fucking lost it.
OK, on to more important things. It’s Christmastime in Mad Men world! This is way before PC, so can say “Christmas” and not “Holiday Season.” Oh, look out, it’s Creeper Glen at the Xmas tree lot! And he’s packing a knife. “Maybe I’ll call you,” he tells Sally. Glen sounds like an experienced dater already! He calls her up later cleverly using the alias “Stanley” and fucking weirds out Sally and me both. He’s one to watch! When he’s not torturing animals.
Over at Sterling Coop, we’re going to have a holiday party! Oh, not a big one. Just a “glass of gin and a box of Velveeta.” Sounds like my usual Friday night! Here we see some market research types, led by Faye. At my house, one of the rabble says “Think Don’s going to sleep with her?” and everybody laughed because OF COURSE but HOLD THE PHONE maybe Don’s losing it a little.
It’s the Return of Fred! With much less pissed-in pants. Oh, whoa, he’s a sponsor now and whatever you call the alkie that needs a sponsor is calling him. Fred’ll meet him at the Baptist Church. First thought, shit you not, was there’s a Baptist Church in Manhattan? Fred’s stuck in the past, man. He’s bugging Pegs with his “women just want to get married” BS. Fred’s not long for this season, I feel.
Oh, great, Gay Lucky Strikes Guy is getting a manicure. Why don’t they just show him planting bulbs in his garden while singing the score to “Carousel”? WE GET IT HE’S GAY. GLSG demands a Christmas Party so SterCoop ramps it up bigtime. Everyone’s standing around and then GLSG shows up. Act natural, everyone! I have a feeling GLSG is not going to get what he actually wants. Except for conga, which everyone wants. Wow, GLSG is kind of an asshole! He squints at Roger and makes him put on the Santa suit and then takes embarrassing photos with his new Polaroid. Suck it up, Roger! It could be way worse, believe me. Oh, here comes Faye! Wait a motherfucking second, is she turning down Don Draper? Didn’t you get the memo, Faye? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Over at Pegs’, we meet Mystery Man Mark, who is quite the Super Horndog! Oh, that “This is how they do it in Sweden” line. Tried that, it only works on Swedes. Wait, Peggy told him she’s a virgin? Maybe her baby is Jesus! Wow, this show is going to get weirder and weirder. He brought cookies to try and get some! Good luck with that. Too bad cocaine hasn’t been invented yet.
Meanwhile, Creeper Glen and Accomplice #1 are…what, breaking into Sally’s house for a little light vandalism? WTF? Sally comes home and finds Glen’s little twine thing on her pillow. Eeeek, he ain’t right. But Sally’s all, “Awww, for me? This is a sweet-ass twine thing, for reals.”
OK, I was starting to get nervous and shaky because it looked like we were going to go a whole episode without Don getting laid which would probably throw the Earth off its axis but look out everybody, here comes Sexretary Allison, bringing him his keys after the Big Party. And…..SCORE! Whew, I feel better now. Then she leaves right away! Can I get her number? She wasn’t so slappy so I bet Don’s Just Not That Into You. The next day, Don gives her a card with a Large Cash Settlement in it. KLASSY. What does it say? “Thanks for the Dick-tation” or “You’re a bang-up gal”? Hey, apropos of nothing, what happened to Teacher Suzanne? I liked her.
Oh, and Peggy gives it up. That guy’s a loser, Pegs. What happened to Duck, anyway? I miss Duck. That is all.
Also, tonight is FINALLY the end of the Bachelorette and that cuts my TV recapping in half, THANK FUCKING GOD.