Then I moved to Provo and was immediately given a $500 gift certificate to Crate and Barrel

Oh, fascinating, it's yet another Let's-Move-To-Oregon-And-Rediscover-Joy-in-Life article:

For at least a couple of years now, my wife and I have been rehearsing a break-up conversation with the Bay Area. As much as we love it here, we're just not sure if it will ever work out.

A lot of our uncertainty revolves around money, and our realization that we can't afford to buy a home here. That fact, rightly or wrongly, has become a touchstone for other uncertainties -- about finding a neighborhood we can stay in for the long term; about having good school options for our two-year-old daughter; about making enough money to afford the high cost of living without giving all of our waking hours over to work.

Go. Please. Quit whining and just go. God, stop talking about it and move. Jesus. You are boring the fuck out of me.

"I probably worked 10 to 12 hours a day in San Francisco," Lynch says. "Now it's probably closer to 6 to 8. But I do a broader range of things."

Like playing the French horn in the local symphony, for example. He was a serious musician through college, but he says "that aspect of my life was kind of shut down when I was in career mode for 15 years ... One of the first things I did (when we moved to Bend) was I got my horn back out."

Also, my hair went from gray back to brown, I lost 40 pounds, my dog started speaking perfect Mandarin, I can now make delicious crepes, blah fucking blah. These stories are all perfectly predictable and always the same. I left the Bay Area and discovered perfect happiness!

Look, the city is not for everyone. There are a lot of downsides. But I am so fucking tired of hearing yuppies whine about how they just can't make it here any more. FINE. GO. Just shut the fuck up about it.

P.S. French horns work in SF too. I'm almost positive.

P.P.S. We were talking about going to Maui for New Year's Eve, but I just checked and flights are around $900 R/T PER PERSON. Fuck.