Friday, December 4, 2009

The crazy is strong in this one

Arlington is apparently a town in Tennessee. It is "rich in history and heritage in the midst of vibrant growth." It is also rich in BATSHIT FUCKING CRAZY. Take it away, Memphis Commercial Appeal:

In the opinion of Arlington Mayor Russell Wiseman, President Barack Obama's speech on Tuesday night on the war in Afghanistan was deliberately timed to block the Christian message of the "Peanuts" television Christmas special.

Wait, what? Obama timed his speech so people couldn't see the Peanuts Christmas special? No, no, no, Commercial Appeal. You are making that shit up. He didn't really say that. Let's check his Facebook post just to make sure.

"Ok, so, this is total crap, we sit the kids down to watch 'The Charlie Brown Christmas Special' and our muslim president is there, what a load.....try to convince me that wasn't done on purpose."

Oh dear. Now we have to try to convince Russell Wiseman that the President did not time an important policy speech about an ongoing war to deprive Russell Wiseman's family of the opportunity to watch the Peanuts Christmas special. Have you noticed that Obama has not answered these charges yet!!??!!? Very damning. Very damning indeed.

For Russell Wiseman's benefit, and the benefit of all other Interested Parties, I have compiled a short list of other things Obama has done that you may not be aware of:

1. Caused mosquitos to bite Russell Wiseman/other residents of Arlington/your children/you
2. Raised price of 20 oz. Diet Coke at 7-11 near Russell Wiseman's house from $1.35 to $1.50.
3. Borrowed Russell Wiseman's weedeater last summer; never gave it back; probably still in White House garage.
4. Dried out Russell Wiseman's Thanksgiving turkey during cooking process; made it resultingly unpalatable.
5. Injured Eagles' DeSean Jackson, resulting in damaging loss to Russell Wiseman's fantasy football team.
6. Unfriended Russell Wiseman; he knows why.

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