Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Why California government is like 5th grade

Every year, the ugly spectacle that is the California budget process grows more and more ridiculous. The usual strategy is to cobble together some kind of ridiculous farce that puts off any hard decisions for another year, do it a couple of months late, and then pass it on to a governor who signs it with an air of resignation.

Meanwhile, everyone knows it's a farce and a sham and we all pretend everything's OK and go whistling away to buy new Caltrans trucks and maybe build another 3 or 4 prisons. It's the equivalent of realizing that you can't pay your Chase Visa bill and going and getting a Capital One Visa with a Hello Kitty design and a 1% cashback program and using that to pay your Chase bill and then smiling and going "See? Fixed it!"

Except this year, it's EVEN MORE FIFTH GRADE THAN EVER.

Here's how it's going down:

1. Nobody did anything for 2 months after the budget was due.

2. Somebody said, "Hey, wait, we gotta have a budget! Let's get to work!"

3. This past Sunday, the legislators in charge slap together their normal Ridiculous Farce Budget that puts off all the problems for another year. YAY! PROBLEM SOLVED! NOW WE CAN GO BACK TO MAKING LAWS ABOUT SMOKING IN PUBLIC! YAY!

4. But mean old Herr Schwarzenegger says "NEIN! VILL NOT SIGN BAD BUDGET!"

5. Oh crap. But hey! It's OK! We have enough votes to override you! So there! WE WIN WE WIN WE WIN!

6. Herr S.: Not so fast! If you override mein veto, I vill veto all your other bills! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Seriously, I sympathize with Herr S., but how fucking fifth grade can you get? That's not statesmanship, that's playing keep-away with $107 billion dollars.

Here's where it really gets good. The legislators and Herr S. sit down this afternoon to figure out how how to get their gym clothes back or something. But Herr S. leaves the meeting early!!! Why?!? Why would he do such a thing? Probably to personally perform surgery on a puppy that's dying, right?

Wrong. He went to Fresno TO SPEAK AT A BUDGET RALLY.

OK, this is going to be hard to type because I just tore my eyes out and I can't see the keyboard, but let me get this straight. THE GOVERNOR LEFT A BUDGET MEETING TO GO SPEAK AT A RALLY ABOUT THE NEED TO GET A BUDGET.

Fuck, dude.

In a related story, get ready for Great Depression II! I'm gonna be a gangster! What are you gonna be?

3 comments:

Brewhaha said...

I recommend leaving the big city. Looting and crime will be rampant if the GDII hits.
Former Merrill Lynch chief Alex Patelis told a UK news agency on July 18 that "I don't see how the current situation can continue beyond six months," meaning there could be a total collapse of the American financial system. (Of course Merrill Lynch sold to Bank of America, Monday, for a mere $50 Billion. The Dallas Cowboys are worth $1.5 Billion.) This doesn't look partisan to me. In my opinion, this is a greed scheme that has occurred before with private financial systems. This time, subprime loans were given to artificially produce yet another bubble market. The greedy get rich and then it pops. If a depression occurs, either we will be forced to accept the North American union or the country will reform into about 50 to 100 independent nation-states. Either way, goodbye USA; been nice knowin' ya. The EU will fall as well and your life as you know it will harshly change forever. More on this later...if I can still pay my internet bill.

TK said...

I'm going to call my nation-state HARDROCKIA.

Brewhaha said...

P.S. After reading my comments, I should clarify that my comments do not give the whole story, are very simplistic, and are not to suggest that government absorption of the private banking enterprise is a good thing. I do believe that this is a human nature issue related to greed, the need for a new bubble after the deflated post-dotcom bubble to prop the economy, and that a conversion to socialized banking is not recommended. I do, believe, that all walks of politicians are involved just "the other guy's party" as both major pres. candidates suggest - for your entertainment. Since housing seemed to be the last refuge for private citizen equity in this country, everyone is a little bit scared shitless right now. Ben, this may influence your trip home in November. Don't you feel lucky that you don't have a mortgage right now? By next year, we may all become the Walton's of Tennessee.