Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Bail this out

Listen, I'm no economist. I've never balanced a checkbook and in college I had to take something called "Finite Math" with about 30 football players because I couldn't understand calculus. So I'm really not the go-to guy on understanding this whole $700 billion Wall Street bailout thing. Nevertheless, in the true spirit of bloggers everywhere, I will now incorrectly explain something I know nothing about.

Here's how I understand it: Uncle Sugar borrows $700 billion from, you know, us, because we're the people who pay all of Uncle Sugar's bills, except for I guess a few bucks he makes on import tariffs or whatever. OK, then he gives that $700 billion to Big Mouth Bank, so BMB can turn around and loan it.....to us!!!!!

W. T. F.

Loan sharks would fucking KILL for a deal like this. Even though they charge 30% interest a week and break your fingers if you don't pay, at least they loan you someone else's money.

Now, a couple of days ago I didn't really have an opinion one way or another because (1) like I said, math is hard, and (2) this is the kind of thing that usually makes me glaze over. I think I told someone that if they need to do the bailout thing to prevent another depression, then I'm for it. WOW, I STIRRED UP A HORNET'S NEST WITH THAT EDGY POSITION.

Then, what, two days ago, it was looking like a lot of people were flooding their Congresspersons' office with opposition, and then BMB said, "I'm tellin' ya, ya better pass this," and then they didn't pass it and "See what we told you? The Dow dropped like 700 points! We are all truly fucked now!"

So then the next day - today - it comes back by like 500 points and who really knows WTF is up. But you know what? If a bunch of Republicans and Dennis motherfucking Kucinich are ALL against this thing, then fuck it, it's probably a bad idea. I'm trying to think of something else that Republicans and Kucinich would both be against. Boiling and eating adorable puppies? Injecting Pine Sol directly into your eyes? I'm going to come out strongly against those things too.



Eventually, of course, they're going to pass some version of this, and BMB is gonna get its money, and things are probably going to go to shit anyway, but we'll always have this day that Santa Claus and Heat Miser agreed on something.

3 comments:

Brewhaha said...

93 Democrats in the House also told Pelosi to go to hell, including Lincoln Davis (D) your 4th district man and mine from TN.

To make it worse, let's start with Uncle Sugar. He borrows money to function from Jimmy "the Fed" Rothstein. Jimmy says, "I don't talk to you. You talk with my boy Denny Bernanke" Denny says, "Yeah and make it five percent on that."
You and I, when we pay taxes, we're only covering the five percent maybe and a pinch of the nut on our tax returns. Now Uncle Sugar says, "Damn. We need something to invest in, our we're going to lose our ass. Hey! I got it. Everybody needs a house, right? Okay, make everybody buy a house." Uncle Sugar says, "Big Mouth, give that guy and his cousin a chunk of cabbage for a house, or else I'll take your lunch money!" Big Mouth says, "Golly, I was goin' to buy ice cream after school with that money. Oh, all right, I guess." Then outta nowhere, Sansabelt Freddie and his fat-ass wife Fannie pop up and say, "Hey, loan it all to me first!" So THAT couple, in the slacks and loafers say, "Okay, for every buck, I'll charge a buck twenty five back to the Big Mouth, cause it'll be worth more in the long run with the market. Then, I'll take that quarter and divvy it up so to keep the Big Mouth in check with my nasty prosecutors to keep Bobby Big Mouth Bank payin'. I'll also give some to keep Uncle Sugar's kids in new Krocs." Meanwhile, the houses get too expensive and NOBODY can buy one outright and then Uncle Sugar's kids are hollerin' "Hey, everything's cool! I still need my Krocs." Problem for the Sansabelt couple is that margin buying is fun; margin selling down is a bitch. No one's paying for anything. And Jimmy "the Fed" says, "Denny, go help Sugar find his check book." But, Sugar doesn't have it. Sugar says, "I'll shake down my relatives for it. I'll tell 'em that they're unpatriotic if they don't. Hell, they'll believe anything. C'mon, don't you love me?" Love you? Uncle Sugar not only wants you to pay for it, he wants you to pay for the full parachute salaries, uncapped, (less 20% - OH WOW) of the dickheads who did the lending who are now out of jobs! How does THAT make you feel? This thing makes Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling look like sixth graders!

People need to be on Capitol F-ing Hill with torches and pitchforks.

Brewhaha said...

Does everyone realize that the Federal Reserve Bank is not a U.S. owned institution?

TK said...

Um, OK.