[BRIEF DIVERSION: It really sucks about Capp's, an old-school family-style Italian place with huge buckets of linguine and red wine in water glasses and shit like that. Totally sad, but it actually wasn't as good as Gold Spike, which closed years ago. Still miss you, Gold Spike.]
With all these changes, WHAT'S NEXT?
Is it the oldest restaurant in San Francisco? Maybe! Known primarily for angry waiters and sand dabs, this crusty old place is just begging for a makeover.
WHAT'S REPLACING IT: Spūn, a minimalist Peruvian-Roman small plates macaroni and cheese fusion restaurant.
Undoubtedly one of the best bars in San Francisco, at least on weeknights. No frills, just booze and cheese. What a bar should be.
WHAT'S REPLACING IT: Bird & Another Bird, a craft cocktail bar specializing in Midori.
Another old-school eccentric institution with no-nonsense drinks and a opera-heavy jukebox.
WHAT'S REPLACING IT: Tosca, a fantastically overrated nouveau Italian joint with $42 chicken. Oh shit, wait.
The Legion of Honor
A resplendent neoclassical museum in a gorgeous setting with a so-so collection of mostly European art.
WHAT'S REPLACING IT: It will be the new home of Yelp co-founder Jeremy Stoppelman.
Golden Gate Park Carousel
Since 1914, this carousel has entertained generations of kids who think going around in a circle for about two minutes is fun.
WHAT'S REPLACING IT: The Spinninizer, an interactive Xtreme Xperience that uses space-age technology to spin kids around at over 300 miles per hour with only a 20% chance of death!!!!!!!
The Transamerica Pyramid
An iconic part of the San Francisco skyline, this instantly recognizable tower is what many people think of first when they think of the city.
WHAT'S REPLACING IT: A Chipotle.
A regular winter feature of San Francisco for thousands of years, this airborne hydration method has appeared in such films as "Vertigo" and "Basic Instinct."
WHAT'S REPLACING IT: Searing, unending drought. Almonds.
Mayor Ed Lee
A comically ineffectual figurehead installed to do the bidding of Evil Overlord Ron Conway, a Bond movie-type villain who somewhat-secretly controls everything.
WHAT'S REPLACING IT: Mayr, an app that brings government to your door, usually in less than 30 minutes. TRY MAYR.