Just like a drug addict who sees a Ziploc baggie, I get triggered around some reality shows and start to feel that feeling like I want to recap them. As you know, I quit doing the Bachelor/ette but I'm thinking about starting up again for this shit. It is a target-rich environment, let me tell you.
We've got Justin, who lives in Silicon Valley and looks like a techbro but is actually an elementary school teacher and obviously has something wrong with him because he had to find a potential wife in Colombia while he was there for some sports thing and then he brings her to America and we find out it's mostly so she can clean his apartment. So now Justin has green card AND I.R.S. problems probably.
The first season was all dudes importing foreign chicks, so it was refreshing to see Chelsea, an American girl who went to Nicaragua and hooked up with NICARAGUA'S MOST FAMOUS POP STAR, a tiny person called "Yamir" with occasionally frosted tips and a carefully considered slouch. I hate to be a cynical bastard but Yamir is using her to get to this country and become American pop star, I promise you.
|Nicaragua's biggest pop star (L) and a too-trusting American woman (R)|
I haven't decided yet if I'm going to go full retard and recap every episode, Bachelor-style; it mostly depends on how much I've had to drink by Sunday night at 8, but we'll see.
(There was also a Where Are They Now show about last season and while it was a hoot to see that Mormon missionary/general schlub Alan and Brazilian knockout Kirlyam are still together and appear to be blissfully happy, their segment mostly consisted of a trip to Alan's family reunion which looked more painful than kidney stones because (1) it appeared to by dry, since they're Mormon, duh, and the only thing worse than a family reunion is a DRY family reunion, and (2) no I'm wrong, it gets worse, because it was a THEMED family reunion and the theme was REDNECK. A redneck themed family reunion in Utah. With Confederate flag sightings. If that didn't send Kirlyam screaming to the TAM ticket counter, she can survive anything America can throw at her. BONUS FACT: once she gets her green card, she can start modeling. Oh no Alan.)