Tuesday, March 4, 2014

The Slow-Down Pull-Away: A disturbing new trend in Muni fuckery

First off, if you're here expecting a recap of the Bachelor sit-down interview show, SORRY.  I can't.  In fact, I will use the opportunity to announce that, after next week's inevitably Most Shocking Finale Ever, I will be forever resigning from recapping the Bachelor.  I really can't do it any more.  I feel like it's more sad and fake than funny now, and it feels like a slog to do it.  Plus, every yahoo with a keyboard is recapping the Bachelor now.  If you need to read someone's take on the Fantasy Suites, you'll be able to find a jackass whose sensibilities match your own without much trouble.

That said, I will venture into the fray one final time to do the finale of this season.  Then that's it.  We can still be friends.

NOW on to today's topic: the Muni Slow-Down Pull-Away.  By this I mean when a bus approaches a stop, slows briefly to make you think it's going to stop, and then ACCELERATES AWAY FROM THE STOP without stopping.  The fuck?  This has now happened to me twice in two days, and maybe 3-4 times over the past month.  WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON MUNI.

Monday I'm waiting for the 5L around 8:30 a.m.  Here it comes.  It's about half-full, and there are no other busses at the stop.  It slows down and starts to pull over, then SPEEDS UP AND MERGES BACK INTO TRAFFIC.  I yelled a curse word.

GIS result for "Fuck you Muni." Originally from Muni Diaries.

There are only a few possible explanations.

(1) The driver did not look to see if there was anyone standing at a normally crowded stop at 8:30 on a Monday morning, assumed nobody would be trying to get anywhere at that particular time, slowed down just for the fuck of it, and went on his way.

(2) The driver consciously decided to fuck with everyone at the stop by faking them out, making it look like he was stopping, and then pulling back into traffic.

(3) Someone on the bus was having a heart attack.  The person having a heart attack said "Driver, I see my cardiologist there at that stop!"  The driver started to pull over. The person then said, "No, that's not him.  My mistake.  Please, on to the hospital!"

(4) The driver started to make the stop, saw his ex-wife standing there, muttered "Fuck that bitch" under his breath, and pulled back into traffic.

Happened again this morning with the 31.  Almost exact same circumstances.  WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

Final thought: Maybe it's me.

7 comments:

Tamagosan said...

I have seen this countless times, but only in two situations: the bus is full, or the bus isn't necessary full but there's an emptier one right behind it. You indicate these are not the case, so there answer can only be related to freaks of the industry: d) all of the above.

Andrea Prete said...

.... but I already found a jackass whose sensibilities match my own .. . dang it.

Maybe you can branch out and recap Finding Bigfoot?

Greg said...

This seems to be happening a lot on the 5L Limited. I've heard this from more than a few people. Usually this happens if the bus is full and A) no one is getting of and B) there's another 2 minutes away (the 22 does this a lot) but as you indicated this isn't the case with the 5L.

Send something in to Muni, but CC it to the Citizens Advisory Council, who can bring it up and force Muni management to at least acknowledge it happens.

Unknown said...

Will there be a new show for you to comment on? Possibly that one with moonshiners? I feel like we've all met a JimTom or two in a SF dive somewhere at one point or another and could therefore relate. That, or the Doomsday Preppers show. So much material!

And the Slow-Down Pull-Away is just MUNI taking the Ghostbus maneuver to a higher level. Now you actually get to SEE the bus that you won't be riding, versus the ETA counting down to "Arriving" and then going back up to "20 min"

Stoney said...

I adore that graffiti image. That is all.

TK said...

Greg - On the day I wrote about, the bus was half-full, so who knows.

Andrea - I can't rule out ever recapping another show, but my guess is that Finding Bigfoot is something of a long shot at this point.

Unknown - I agree that the Doomsday Preppers people are appealingly nuts, but I don't want to get on their bad side.

Rachel said...

That sucks, TK! I hope you report it to 311 every time it happens. You can also complain to the sfmta twitter account. It seems like they actually respond to people sometimes. What a concept.
Hope your drivers stop screwing with you.