Friday, December 21, 2012

The miniature oranges that WOULDN'T DIE

You know Cuties, right?  They're like miniature oranges that are really easy to peel.  Like somewhere between ping pong ball and cue ball size.

So I'm going to the grocery store and The Wife says "Hey, pick us up some of those Cuties. I want Cuties." So I was like sure and I got a bag of Cuties.

FIRST OBSERVATION:  There are a LOT OF FUCKING CUTIES in a bag of Cuties.


This picture doesn't even do it justice.  There must be 30, 40 Cuties in that bag.  THAT'S A LOT OF MINIATURE ORANGES.

I hate to see things go to waste, so now my life is all about How Many Cuties I Can Throw Down in One Day.  Now, admittedly, they are small - you can eat one in 3 or 4 bites - but it starts to get to be a slog.  Like, I had 5 yesterday and I feel a little guilty.  HAVE ANOTHER CUTIE SON. I'm actually eating one right now.

Things have gotten a little tense.  The Wife is leaving for work and I say, "HOW MANY CUTIES ARE YOU TAKING WITH YOU?"  She looks a little startled.

"Um, three Cuties?"

"NO YOU TAKE FOUR CUTIES, YOU HEAR ME?  YOU NEED TO EAT AT LEAST FOUR MOTHERFUCKING CUTIES TODAY."

She didn't eat any Cuties yesterday.  Situation grim.

UPDATE: I had two this morning.  Seven left.  Going out for a while.  When I come back, EIGHT LEFT, I bet. Cuties are the endless menorah oil that keeps refilling itself of fruit.  (Isn't that the story? I'm not clear on that story. Help me out, Jews.)

5 comments:

GG said...

Juice them and freeze the juice.

Tamagosan said...

Pile them into The Wife's stocking and claim ignorance. Better yet, blame the dog.

Michael Strickland said...

Did your mother lock you up in the closet if you wasted food or something? Jeesh.

On a more practical note, if you or the other half works in an office, take the Cuties there guilt-free. There's always somebody in every office who Lives to Eat, and who loves nothing better than free food.

Rocco said...

i think i even stole a few.

HeHa said...

I use them instead of regular orange peel in my Old Fashioned.

HeHa's Kinda Sorta Old Fashioned:

Shake a few dashes of regular bitters and a few dashes of orange bitters onto a sugar cube. Squeeze the juice of half a clementine onto the cube and then muddle the peel with the sugar. Add bourbon. Add a splash of water or more to taste.