Friday, September 7, 2012

Let's all take the SFMTA Customer Satisfaction Survey!


Oh look! The SFMTA is conducting a survey! It's about Muni and cabs and parking and walking around town! This should be fun. Here's the first question, no joke:


"Don't know"! I don't know if I live, work, attend school or spend time in San Francisco! That's because I'm either in a persistent vegetative state or I work for the SFMTA! WHAT PLACE IS THIS? WHERE AM I? OH I'M SUPPOSED TO BE ISSUING PARKING TICKETS TODAY.

Let's look at some other questions on the survey.

Please rank the following concerns in order of importance when riding Muni

__ Timeliness

__ Cleanliness of vehicle

__ Pile of chicken bones / human excrement on vehicle

__ Fat guy taking up two seats

__ Chick listening to Weezy so loud I can hear it from her headphones 3 rows away

__ Guy with eyes pointing different directions talking about "wheels within wheels" and "the end of days"

Which of the following have you said while riding Muni / waiting for Muni? (please check all that apply)

__ Oh God, please get the fuck away from me

__ Wait, what? What the fuck? What do you mean, you're turning around?

__ Is that the bus coming? Oh, fuck, no, that's Golden Gate Transit. Fuck.

__ Six empty Ns going inbound, not one going out. Again. Fucking fuck.

__ 48 minutes? It just said 10 minutes! What the fuck!

__ I wouldn't touch that without a hazmat suit.

Which of the following are concerns when riding in a taxi in San Francisco?

__ Driver conducting loud and angry argument in Farsi on his cell phone

__ Driver conducting loud and angry argument in Farsi with passing motorist

__ Driver conducting loud and angry argument with me over some perceived slight

__ Called cab in 1986; hasn't arrived yet

__ Thought taxis only existed to circle City Hall honking horns during protest; was not aware they could be hired to give rides in city

Please rank the following parking scenarios in difficulty.

__ North Beach, Saturday night, 10:00 p.m.

__ The Mission, Sunday night, 10:00 p.m.

__ Anywhere I want to go on Saturday night

__ Anywhere near my house, Sunday night after 10:00 p.m.

As a pedestrian in San Francisco, which of the following are your concerns?

__ Being hit by car in crosswalk

__ Being hit by bicyclist in crosswalk

__ Being hit by agitated homeless person in crosswalk

__ Making it home before my corner store closes

__ Not falling down because I'm drunk

7 comments:

periqueblend said...

Making it home before the bodega closes is absolutely my top priority!

Tamagosan said...

Please write the next MTA survey, because I mentally checked every box on your second section. The one that made me LOL, however, was the last bit about the taxis.

This vociferous cyclist is off to take this fun survey!

Tamagosan said...

Oooh, that "additional comments" section was FUN.

Disappointed by the lack of gender options, though.

I am excited to become part of their "exclusive online panel", though!

Rachel said...

I agree, your survey is much more fun than the SFMTA official one.
You'd probably get more useful answers, too.
(Full disclosure, I took the official survey!)

--rock over london said...

This is ridiculously spot on.

Michael Strickland said...

I'm with Tamagosan on the brilliance of the taxi multiple choice questions referencing fucked up Farsi. I've refused to take a taxi in this town for about 15 years now, partly out of choice and partly because they are impossible to find anyway so it's easy to be virtuous and principled.

And you're right. "Don't know" could be the overall title of the MTA survey.

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