Sayeth MM:
Here’s what you could’ve gotten had you acted faster:Appended to this disturbing story is the following comment:Bummer, dude.
- Luxury Limousine transportation to and from the show
- Red Carpet Treatment (Sound Check attendance, Pre and Post-show Meet & Greet, VIP seating)
- Personalized Engraved Limited Edition NYE Pot Leaf Dog Tag
- Limited Edition Signed T-Shirt – designed personally by Kreayshawn and autographed at the show. Design to be revealed prior to performance!
- Admission for (6) six to Kreayshawn’s NYE 2011 show
It's all well and good to go to a show if someone pays you to do it, but the more interesting question is how much you would pay not to go. This is a subject that we have discussed for years: NEGATIVE TICKET PRICING.What is NTP, you ask? Simply put, it is the amount of money you would pay to NOT see an event. In other words, if a deranged, meth-addled Nickelback fan (I know, redundant) pulled out his rusty fish-scalin' knife and held it to your ribs and said "You ARE going with me to see Nickelback live in concert at the Sleep Train Pavilion," the NTP is the amount of money you would give up to get out of that kind of dark and sad fate. (Incidentally, my Nickelback NTP is around $80-135, depending on how much I have in the bank and with the realization I'm going to need at least $100 to get blackout drunk at the show just to make it through.)
SO, for example, the NTP for any kind of Glee-related production is about $75. Not sure how much I'll need in reserve for drinks because I don't know if they even sell alcohol at shows like that. The repetitive Eagles reunion tour tickets are always something ridiculous like $300, which exactly mirrors the NTP for the same show. In fact, the basic rule for any Formerly Huge Arena Rock Powerhouse that has reunited is to flip the actual ticket price and that's the NTP. (EXCEPTIONS: Cheap Trick and Judas Priest).
For any kind of dinner theater, it's about $30. If there's any type of audience participation, it goes way, way up. Maybe $50. For a Comedy Hypnotist, easily $100
The NTP for the Vans Warped Tour is your age multiplied by 1.5. So if you're 18, it's $27, but if you're 38, it's $57, and if you're 38 and you wouldn't pay $57 not to go to the Vans Warped Tour, you're probably a Megan's Lister.
Let's see who's coming up at the Oakland Arena!
Katy Perry, November 21! Hmmm, I bet there would be a lot of hot Moms there. Nevertheless, I'll go $29 not to see her. I also note that there are "Katy Perry VIP Packages" available. The Katy Perry NTP VIP Package includes a bottle of Wild Turkey, transportation away from the show in a repurposed SuperShuttle, and a cassette of T. Rex's "Electric Warrior."
Live 105's Not So Silent Night, December 9, featuring Jane's Addiction, Mumford & Sons, Florence & the Machine, Bush (!!!), and Young the Giant. Ugh, Huge the Puke. Wait, Bush is still around? What the fuck? $68.
Bob Seger, December 21. It would be almost worth it to count the grey ponytails, but on the flip, you would have to sit through "Turn the Page" and that truck commercial. I'll throw down $50 not to go and I'll drive to Konocti Harbor, where this show would have been held if Konocti Harbor hadn't shut down.
Oh, and Kreayshawn? Hell, I'd not go see her for $5.
What about you guys? What would you pay not to see Lady Antebellum? Yanni? Sting? Skrillex? ($76, $110, $63, and $254, respectively, for me.)
UPDATE: Right on cue, Groupon pops up with today's deal: "One Ticket to See Pink Martini at Paramount Theatre in Oakland on November 20 at 7:30 p.m." It's $22 for balcony seating. There's something sad about selling tickets for your show on Groupon. Anyway, I don't know anything about Pink Martini at all, but based on the picture, the name, and the Groupon blurb - "The sonic ensemble of Pink Martini dazzles listeners with a multilingual repertoire that spans classical, jazz, old-fashioned, and pop genres" - I'll also pay $22 not to go.
5 comments:
Man, your hatred of Sting really baffles me. I have a surprisingly high tolerance for shitty music and shitty movies, but I would pay $500 NTP to avoid an Owl City show.
I wish NTP really did exist if only for the arbitrage opportunities. You NTP Kreashayn at $5. Obviously Herr Doctor would pay A LOT more to not see her.
Profit lies in there for someone willing to make the market. Reverse Scalping.
Kid Rock is headlining some free Alice show. I don't understand how he is even still relevant. Especially for a radio station that was once branded as for females. Really? Kid Rock? I'd pay $25 to not see that.
When I was in high school, there was a local radio-sponsored contest to 'Win a Day with Tone Loc!' (remember him?) My friends and I had a lot of fun imagining if we maliciously submitted each other's names and the ultimate desperation that would ensue if one of us then won. An entire day! We figured that there would be a rising sense of desperation as it became clear that there's nothing to talk about, and eventually you'd be reduced to creating some distraction and running away while Tone's head was turned in the other direction.
This is what NTS reminds me of.
I was forced to play this awful Pink Martini song for a fashion show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=satMi-rws1A
The producer of the show had no idea how long their piece was, so I ended up looping this stupid song 5 1/2 times. I'd take pepper spray in the face for a week to not see these fuckers.
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