Thursday, August 11, 2011

Today in Giants/Bachelorette News

WORLDS COLLIDING. Take it away, Us Magazine:
Bachelorette contestant Ben Flajnik may not have earned Ashley Hebert's final rose, but that doesn't mean he's sworn off dating forever.

In fact, a source tells Us Weekly the 28-year-old winemaker went out for drinks with Jennifer Love Hewitt last week in San Francisco. "She began pursuing him right after the finale aired," a source tells Us of the Can't Hardly Wait actress, 32.

Incidentally, isn't "Us Magazine" the weirdest name for a magazine about celebrities? They're not "us" at all! They're them!!! I think I kind of assumed that "Us" stood for "U.S.," like the United States of Celebrities or something, but I have no idea if that's right. If it's just "us," like you and me, that's fucked up.

BACK TO THE MATTER AT HAND. Ben F. from the Bachelorette going out for drinks with the winsome Jennifer Love Hewitt is only a 1-star story. IT GETS SO MUCH BETTER THOUGH.
Indeed, Hewitt hasn't been shy about showing her love for Flajnik, who placed second behind JP Rosenbaum on The Bachelorette's August 1 finale. "Omg! Ben f except my final rose!!! Gotta book a flight to Sonoma !!!:):)" Hewitt Tweeted August 2. And when the pair cozied up at San Francisco's Lion's Pub four days later, the actress was similarly smitten.

Though Flajnik initially stopped by the bar with San Francisco Giants player Cody Ross, he made a beeline for Hewitt after spotting her from across the room.

HOLD THE PHONE. So Ben just happened to be out with his boy, weak-hitting Giants outfielder Cody Ross, when he stopped by known Lower Pac Heights Dudebro Cruise Pit Lion Pub (not "Lion's Pub," but who's counting) and then just happened to espy Jennifer Love Hewitt who just happened to be trolling for spiky-haired popped-collared Chads at Lion's Pub? WHAT.

I have a few questions.

1. So when you're the second-place finisher on the Bachelorette and you're walking off the set, they just hand you phone numbers of professional athletes? Or did formerly-effective lineup-saddening Cody Ross (+ wife Summer Ross, I assume) just like the cut of Ben's jib so much that they called up the Guy Who Has Everyone's Number and say "Hey, put me in touch with Ben F. from the Bachelorette. I needs to hit up some Fruity Drink Palaces with that boy"? Is that how it works?

2. And Jennifer Love Hewitt was just hanging out at Lion Pub? What was she, just back from visiting the Party of Five house? (2311 Broadway, if you're curious. About a 10 minute walk from Lion Pub.)

3. You know what's good about Lion Pub? Here, let Jessica C. from San Mateo tell you: "I asked the Gorgeous Bartender what to order. He made me the most amazing Watermelon Vodka drink! It was crushed up watermelon and vodka. What more could you ask for." NOTHING, JESSICA C. YOU COULD ASK FOR NOTHING MORE THAN CRUSHED UP WATERMELON AND VODKA FROM A GORGEOUS BARTENDER.

4. This isn't really a question, but Jen, sweetheart, I assume you meant "accept my final rose," not "except my final rose." Either one is weird, but only the former comes close to being grammatically correct. Ugh, I just turned into a guy who corrects people's spelling on the Internet. UGH I JUST CORRECTED JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT'S SPELLING ON THE INTERNET. HIT ME IN THE FACE. I EXCEPT THIS PUNISHMENT.

Fast forward to the next day:
Hewitt seemed ecstatic the morning after. Although she didn't mention her date by name, she Tweeted Sunday: "Morning lovelys! I got lost in the most amazing sat! Just when you think u can't be surprised.... You are and it's awesome!"

SOMEBODY GOT LAID.

And apropos of nothing except this struck me as funny:

3 comments:

GG said...

Don't feel bad, I read through the first 75% of this post thinking, "OMG I can't believe TK's not going to call her out on not knowing how to spell 'accept.' UGH." (P.S. Yes there was a double negative in there.)

Also: Posting ambiguous Tweets to hint that you HAD SEX last night -- what is she, 17? Classy.

Skance said...

Ever since reading this post (http://gofugyourself.com/fug_the_fromage_the_client_list_080310-08-2010), I can't help referring to her as Jennifer "Kind Touch" Love Hewitt, and now I inadvertently think of her kind-touching Ben and him saying ruh-roh, and I just threw up a bit.
Also, Cody Ross? Really!?! WTFF?

sfmike said...

I have a few questions of my own:

1. What is "the most amazing sat"?

2. And when did Lion Pub go from being a bar for rich A-Gays which it was through most of the 1970s and 1980s and turn hetero? Sorry to be so behind the times, but I am curious.

To add to the addled old senior impression, I had a terrible moment where I thought Jennifer Love Hewitt was Sarah Michelle Gellar (those three name combos get confusing), and was thinking, "No, Buffy, it hasn't come to this, has it?"

And thank you for going public with that Us/US Weekly confusion which has also always puzzled me. Maybe it's only celebrities from the US and so they're part of Us? Still doesn't make any sense.