Sunday, July 11, 2010

TK presents: My Very Good Restaurant Review

Last night we went to Hog & Rocks. Since it's a new place and new places are better than old places, it was very crowded. We were told we had to wait, even though one of the people in my party was a Famous Person. I thought famous people didn't have to wait for anything! But they did say they'd call us when the table was ready. They wouldn't do that for someone non-famous, I bet! So we went back to Stephen and Jessica's apartment and drank beers for a while until they called and said our table was ready.

I'm not gonna lie to you, we were drinking. I had a Tom Collins! WTF! Who knew anyone made those any more. In fact, the whole cocktail list looks like it came from a steakhouse in Denver in 1979. There was like a Manhattan and a margarita and a tequila sunrise. The Tom Collins felt a little too girly so I had a whiskey sour after that. zOMG it was the best whiskey sour EVAR! I'm going to start drinking whiskey sours more often.

For an appetizer we got pimento cheese and some avocado thing I didn't eat. Fuck, I love pimento cheese! Do you guys even know what that is? It's ground-up cheese and mayonnaise and pimentos. I'm not doing it justice, that shit is off the hook. The version at H&R was a little too liquid-y but I got mad respeck for anyone who puts motherfucking pimento cheese on their menu and it's not, like, a joke.

Then this chick walked in wearing what looked like a cut-up sofa slipcover and some feather earrings she stole from Stevie Nicks! People.

All the main courses are like $10 or $12, dig? No wonder the place was packed. I wasn't that hungry because I had already like 16 beers so I got some jamon serrano. You know what that is? It's a pile of ham. That suited me just fine. Stephen and Jessica are vegetarians so they were pretty much fucked because it's called "Hog & Rocks," not "Potato & Rocks." They got some side dishes that were really good, though. There was a brown bean kind of thing that tasted OK.

Oh, I forgot, there were some oysters too but I didn't have any of those. I don't like oysters! If I want to eat snot I'll get a cold, OK?!

I also had a glass of garnacha. That's wine, FYI. The pour was a little small but I was pretty lit by that point anyway.

You know what else? The service was fucking ON POINT. I hate hate hate bad service more than anything including Hitler, but this service was awesome. Probably because of the Famous Person, but maybe they're like that with everyone! I doubt it.

5 comments:

Burke said...

Blogging while still drunk from the night before suits you well TK.

TK said...

If only. Unfortunately, in this case, it's just crappy writing.

Jaime Vásquez said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Claire said...

oh really, I love this review, I think it's all kinds good. who is the famous person? what defines a famous person? like how famous? Sitcom famous or movie famous? inquiring minds want to know.

TK said...

Claire -

Basic cable famous.