You know what Six Word Memoirs are, right? It's basically exactly what it sounds like: your life story in six words. Mine is on my Twitter page: "Things rarely turn out as planned."
Frank McCourt, who wrote "Angela's Ashes," had a good one: "The miserable childhood leads to royalties." Some other ones I also liked (by not famous Irish authors) are "Facebook has ruined my entire life" and "Freak accidents haven't killed me yet."
So here's what I wanna do. Send me your 6-word story and I shall distribute a Special Prize Package to the one that I totally subjectively like the best. You can either email it to me at email@example.com or drop it in the comments below, cool?
What does the Special Prize Package include, you ask?
A five-dollar bill with a congratulatory Post-It note from me stuck to it because it's illegal to deface United States Currency, duh. (I can make the Post-It note say anything you want as long as it's not weird or illegal like "I will kill your whole fucking family, Love, TK," or "I am fat" or "I ♥ Vivisection.")
A November 2005 Fast Pass. Since Fast Passes are being phased out in October forever, this is actually a collector's item that will be worth a Ton of Money someday.
This "I lost me to meth" coaster, which is obviously awesome.
As an added bonus, if you win, I'll then have your address, so you might find me knocking on your door at 3 a.m. in a drunken stupor asking for money and/or to be let in. Just like Dad used to do! KIDDING.
I guess I should set some kind of deadline, or some dork is going to submit one in November and then be all "There was no deadline! I can still win!" about it, so let's say 6 p.m. PDT, Tuesday August 3, 2010. I'll announce the winner on Wednesday the 4th. Second prize is a set of steak knives. I'M KIDDING THERE IS NO SECOND PRIZE I just love Glengarry Glen Ross.
Third prize is, however, you're fired.
(P.S. Just to keep this on the up-and-up, if you're currently married to me, you are ineligible to win, but you are still free to enter and I'll totally tell you how awesome your entry was and how you definitely would have won if you weren't married to me.)