Tuesday, August 2, 2016

It's time once again to review the San Francisco Giants' walkup songs

Just like we did in 2012!  Man, that was two World Serieses ago.  Time flies, etc. I should have been doing this annually but I fell down and couldn't get up.

Let's reprint this Explainer from 2012:

(Walk-up music, if you're not a baseball fan or something, is the music played in the stadium in the time that it takes the player to walk up to the plate - ergo, "walk-up music." For pitchers, it's usually the music that plays when they're warming up. But more than simply that, it is a window into the soul of the player, and should be regarded as such.)

Some players have more than one walkup song.  That's great!  You go, girl.  I, however, am compelled by no law, earthly or spiritual, to discuss every one of your songs.

OK, on to the show.

THE RESPECTABLE

Brandon Belt, "99 Problems" (Beyonce's husband) - Iconic, but I'm not sure it sends the right message when you're coming up to the plate.  What if one of your problems is you let your right shoulder drop?  But you can't argue about the song.

Derek Law, "I Fought the Law" (The Clash) - What you did there, I see it.  But this is such an incredible get-fired-up song that every relief pitcher should use it, whether or not they're named Law or Clash or Joe Fucking Strummer 2.

Brandon Crawford, "Fuck Up Some Commas" (Future) - Finally, a song about the Oxford comma.  I don't know what part of the song they play when Brandon is actually walking to the plate but it is almost guaranteed to have a "fuck" in it and for that it's all worth it.  (Is this the only rap song to mention Groupon by name?  I hope not.)

Sergio Romo, "El Mechon" (Banda MS) - This song is as much Sergio's #brand as facial hair, fist pumping, and striking out Miguel Cabrera.

Javy Lopez, "The Humpty Dance" (Digital Underground) - Javier Lopez is about as old as me so this makes sense.

Joe Panik, "Moment of Clarity" (Beyonce's husband) - It will not surprise you to learn that Jay-Z is heavily represented on every team's walkup music roster.  It's probably because he has a lot of songs that sound like anthems and also sound great in a booming, echoey stadium.

HARD ROCK

Hunter Strickland, "You Shook Me All Night Long" (AC/DC) - I have a fraught relationship with Hunter Strickland. I think he's come into his own as a relief pitcher but he will never know that because he blocked me on Twitter two years ago and APPARENTLY HOLDS A GRUDGE.  Let's be friends, Hunter.  I know I said some very mean things about you but that's back when you were giving away home runs like cops give out badge stickers.  You're better now, and so am I!  We cool?

George Kontos, "Harvester of Sorrow" (Metallica) - Whoever harvests beets, if you ask me!  WACKA WACKA

Will Smith, "Stranglehold" (Ted Nugent) - Oh, too bad we just acquired Will Smith yesterday and now HE HAS TO LEAVE.

NEVER CHANGE, BUSTER

Buster Posey, "Hell on Wheels" (Brantley Gilbert) - Same walkup song he's had since at least 2012, and probably his whole life.  I doubt Buster gives a shit, and some teammate in Salem-Keizer probably picked this for him and he was like "Fine with me, I only care about my family, the Lord, and the Game."

MEANWHILE ON PLANET HUNTER PENCE

Hunter Pence, "My Boo" (Ghost Town DJs) - I don't know why this cracks me up.  Maybe because of this video, using the same music:


Life-affirming.

SOUNDS PAINFUL

Kelby Tomlinson, "Christ In Me" (Jeremy Camp)

ADDENDUM

Hope you don't have anything to do this afternoon, because this site compiles walkup music for EVERY PLAYER IN MLB.  Let's see who can find the Worst Walkup Song of All!

(SPOILER: I figured I'd just go straight to Bryce Harper and win AND his are bad but not The Absolute Worst.  He has 5: J. Cole, Sinatra, Bieber, Bassnectar, and Moby.  I am not in the least bit surprised that Bryce Harper finds it necessary to have 5 walkup songs.)

ARTISTS WHO RETURN NO RESULTS WHEN SEARCHING ON THE DATABASE OF ALL WALKUP SONGS IN MLB

Animal Collective
Architecture in Helsinki
Rod Stewart
Elvis Costello
Train
Lionel Richie
Lana Del Rey

PLAYERS WHO USE AT LEAST ONE SONG BY WOLFGANG AMADEUS MOZART

Prince Fielder

9 comments:

GG said...

I'm genuinely surprised that "Pump it Up" isn't SOMEBODY'S walk-up song, although if I were going to pick an Elvis Costello song for myself it would obviously be "I Can't Stand Up For Falling Down." Also, I'm not sure if this is how baseball works, but it would be funny if the person who comes on before or after Brandon Crawford picked "Oxford Comma" as their song. Maybe I should become a major league baseball player solely for this purpose?

TK said...

GG - Agreed re Elvis Costello but remember that he's like Paul Anka is to us for most ballplayers. Also agreed that you should study baseball and become a professional baseballer so you can use "Oxford Comma" as your walkup song.

Blogger said...

Get all your favorite spirits and wines on Duty Free Depot!

All the world famous brand name drinks for unbeatable discounted price tags.

Blogger said...

FreedomPop is the #1 ABSOLUTELY FREE mobile communications provider.

Voice, SMS & data plans costing you £0.00/month (100% FREE CALLS).

Blogger said...

Ever wanted to get free Twitter Followers?
Did you know that you can get these ON AUTO-PILOT AND ABSOLUTELY FOR FREE by using Add Me Fast?

Blogger said...

If you need your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend to come crawling back to you on their knees (even if they're dating somebody else now) you must watch this video
right away...

(VIDEO) Win your ex back with TEXT messages?

rushessay.com reviews said...

What an awesome way to add a unique perspective to the review of the posts. Definitely these are going to be on my list to read and review next.

David Mancuso said...

Get hot beautiful 16 year Indian teen girl sex video for see click here

Indian Sex Video

Blogger said...

There is shocking news in the sports betting world.

It's been said that any bettor needs to see this,

Watch this or quit placing bets on sports...

Sports Cash System - Sports Betting ROBOT