Oh hey it's just post-holiday-season which means every work kitchen has an open box of See's candy leftover from some gift or sent back from some client that didn't leave a forwarding address. What the fuck is in those, anyway?
1 - Oh good, just normal chocolate OH SHIT SOME KIND OF RASPBERRY GOO JUST SHOT OUT FUCK
2 - Literally a bar of peanuts
3 - Some kind of nougat/uinidentifiable nut thing
4 - Why is the center of this rock hard? Wait, it's pulling apart now but it's lodged in my teeth shit it's gonna pull a tooth out
5 - Dopey Clusters
6 - Just a couple of almonds with a thunk of chocolate loosely holding them together
7 - The only good one. They move it around and put it in a different place in every box so you'll never find it again.
8 - Looks like the good one but actually has anchovy paste under a thin layer of chocolate. GOTHA MOTHERFUCKER
9 - Hazelnut paste and broken promises
10 - What, just more chocolate inside chocolate? OK, this one is ok.
11 - They call this one El Diablo. No one knows why.
12 - Actual maple tree sap, like with bits of bark and ants still in it and shit.
13 - You think it's another peanut bar but hidden inside is deadly fugu fish. You have 8 minutes to live, run don't walk to the nearest Japanese ER.
14 - Swirls of Hate
15 - Some kind of mint thing. It's OK.
16 - Walnuts 'N Roofing Tar
17 - Monkey foot
18 - Just some shit swept up off the factory floor and dropped into a paper sleeve
19 - Macadmia nuts on top, who the fuck knows underneath
20 - The Admiral Akbar
21 - It's a Snickers Fun Size, don't tell anyone
22 - This one's called Chocolate Suicide because Crystal killed herself the first day we made these oh God Crystal I miss you so much
23 - Chocolate so dark it makes Requiem for a Dream look like My Little Pony
24 - Now we're just fucking with you and seeing how many of these cheap-ass Payday knockoff peanut bars we can drop in here without you noticing
25 - I think this is the one made w/ hemp butter but I'm not 100% sure hang out for a while and see if Sheila in Accounting starts talking about the faces of the Buddha