Friday, October 9, 2015

The One-Offs

Oh, California Department of Public Health Most Popular Baby Names 2009-2013, how I love thee.  Everyone already knows that the most popular California boys' names in 2012 would be Jacob and Ethan and Matthew and, God help us, Jayden.  So go on with your Emilys and Mias and Sofias.  We all see you.  The best part of the CDPHMPBN is that it lists how many babies in a given year got that name.  So, for example, in 2012, exactly 1,007 Zoes arrived in California, followed closely by 1,006 Madisons.  There is a 100% chance there will be a Zoe or Madison in your California life at some point.

But we don't care about them.  We care about the ONE-OFFS.  That's right, those names that were bestowed just one time in the State of California in a given year.  And we've learned that, if nothing else, California parents are fucking CREATIVE AS HELL.

So for example in 2012 precious ZEPLIN and ZESAR and ZIPO zipped out of some forward-thinking Moms.  "Popsicle you have, now to me you must give," young YODA might say.  SOCRATES and PERICLES are giving democracy a spin, while SAW and BLAYDE are just cutting up.  MOBY and TIESTO and ZEDD will be manning the playground decks, while CHAOS seems to be in trouble all the time.  No worries though, BUD's here.  And why settle for just one when you can have ERICS?

The girls are having just as much fun.  In fact, they're a RIOT.  Wait, is SANSA a Game of Thrones character or a beta blocker?  I forget.  TAEDYN seems like the wreckage left after two more popular names collided.  Maybe CASHLYNN can help pick up the pieces.  I hope SNOW WHITE and CINDERELLA are in the same class; the other kids' minds will be fucking blown.  I hope they go to Disneyland with RAPUNZEL one day.

Finally, presented without comment:

There's gotta be a story, right?  I hope there's a story.

If you're Bored at Work, feel free to go mining and do share any good gems you unearth therein.  Have a good weekend, everybody!


GG said...

Rivendell. Sanphiraksa. Prizila. Reychael. Sike. Yazzlynn. Two people (TWO) named their daughter, simply, KC.

This is wonderful, thank you.

TK said...

Rivendell is amazing. I don't even mind KC! She's a cool girl!

chestery said...

Some hardcore Bill Simmons fan somehow convinced the mother of his son to agree to "Grantland."

TK said...

ches - I hope that's true and he's named after the website and not the sportswriter Grantland Rice, for whom (I assume) the website is also named. If you think about it, Deadspin would be a totally badass name too.

Stoney said...

There was only one Sansa? That seems low to me.

TK said...

S - I just checked again. One in 2010, one in 2013.

HeHa said...

I'm pregnant now and to help make my list of perfectly nice names more attractive to my husband I've started suggesting diseases that could be confused for girl's names. My "favorite" was Angina... And guess who was born in 2009? Perfect!

TK said...

HeHa, I really want to see your list of disease names, thx. BTW I LOL'd at "Angina" and then looked it up. Holy shit.

HeHa said...

Angina, of course.
And the more obvious

Stephen said...

Sanphiraksa - whose name commemorates her conception on a drunken night in San Francisco.

chestery said...

I was just assuming that it's more likely someone is passionate about Bill Simmons, these days, than the legacy of Grantland Rice, though it's sort of the same since, yes, is named in homage to Grantland Rice. Not sure how Rice would have felt about being the namesake of a site that does have a lot of good sports writing but also has stuff like a summary of the Beverly Hills 90210 episode on which Color Me Badd did a guest spot.

Deadspin would be badass. Much more so than Bleacherreport. Not quite as badass as Deadpool. By the way, in case you were wondering: someone got the mother of their child to agree, in 2009, to naming their son "Wolverine."

oldest daughter said...

42 days without a muni accident!