Thursday, February 26, 2015

The Heart and Sol of Cringeworthy Marketing

Please don a vomitproof garment before gazing on this promotional flyer from Colliers, marketing the uber hip new Vida development on Mission Street, "The Heart and Sol of San Francisco."

Distressingly, it appears that in the future, movies will consist solely of Iron Man and Harold & Kumar sequels, along with repeated showings of "Gatsby" and "Star Wars."  Even the thinkfluencers of the Vida will eventually see their brains necrotize and rot after the 58th viewing of Iron Man 4.

This flyer appears to be an attempt to lure a business into the GROUND ! FLOOR! RETAIL! of the Vida.  It has the cheery cluelessness common to real estate agents and marketing execs.




Hoo boy.  Yes, we do love our "avante garde" theaters [sic] in the Mission, this "uber cool dinning [sic] and shopping destination."  As soon as a real estate brochure labels your neighborhood "uber cool," it is officially over.

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE.

"The Mission has been a beacon for all things 'tech' since the 1990's."

WHY YES THAT'S TRUE.

Mission Yuppie Eradication Project, c. 1998, via FoundSF.org

"Heavily populated by programmers, Facebook and Google have added multiple shuttle lines to Mission Street over the last two years, and estimates that after the Marina, it contain the largest population of its employees in San Francisco."

I'm starting to be won over by the dogged refusal to use proper grammar or spelling.  Anyway, you've gotta love the utter disregard for anything that's actually been happening in the Mission in the past 4 or 5 years.  And the explicit call-back to the Marina?  Now that Plumpjack's bought the Lex, nothing's impossible!  LULULEMONS FOR EVERYONE!!  WHOOOO!!!  I LOVE THE MISSION!!!

6 comments:

Stephen said...

In fairness, they're not writing to us, they're writing to some VP at corporate headquarters in Omaha, who's looking for new markets in which to expand.

I picture Uniqlo as the whale every one of these new developments would like to land. And something like that is coming. The chain restrictions are only restrictions, not a ban. Eventually, some of the Corps will decide it's worth the yearlong fight.

TK said...

Oh, I realize that. That's why it's funny!

The overall Chestnutization of Valencia (and the whole Mission, for that matter) is probably inevitable now.

GG said...

"High tech investors, companies and BLOGGERS!"

This is full of win. It's making me want to go dinning in the Mission again soon.

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