Tuesday, December 9, 2014

THE FORECAST IS FOR RAIN

Anchor Drone (chuckling): Thanks for the report, Kenny.  It's nice to know not every police beating has to be a sad story.  Now let's talk to meteorologist Skip Hapless at Weather Center 10000 who's tracking a fast-moving storm heading for our area!

Skip Hapless: HAVE YOU MADE YOUR PEACE WITH GOD?


Anchor Drone: What's that, Skip?

Skip Hapless: ARE YOU PURIFIED?  ARE YOU READY TO STAND BEFORE THE LORD?  HAVE YOU CLEANED YOUR GUTTERS?

Anchor Drone: What does the storm look like, Skip?

Skip Hapless: It will make Armageddon look like a free cone at Coldstone Creamery.  Lashing sheets of rain will pelt and destroy wildlife.  Your loved ones will cling to trees and pray for death.  THIS WILL BE A MAJOR WEATHER EVENT.

Anchor Drone: How much rain can we expect, Skip?

Skip Hapless; IF ONLY NUMBERS WENT THAT HIGH. POURING, GUSHING RAIN. MORE WATER THAN YOU COULD IMAGINE. ALL IS LOST.

Anchor Drone: Sounds like this might affect the morning commute!

Skip Hapless: WHAT COMMUTE. ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND. COMMUTE TO HELL.  WE WILL ALL BE COMMUTING TO HELL ON A ROADWAY OF LIQUID DEATH.

Anchor Drone: That was Skip Hapless with the weather.

6 comments:

GG said...

I just had a coworker tell me today that he is planning on working from home on Thursday. Uh, because it will be *raining*? Really?

TK said...

I'm going to a show Thursday night and earlier I thought "Hmm, maybe I shouldn't go, the weather," and then I remembered IT'S JUST FUCKING RAIN and I WON'T DIE.

But shows you how much they get into your brain.

That being said, if your co-worker takes Muni then I am behind his/her decision 100% because Muni fucking sucks ass when it rains.

Dusty Modern said...

We will rebuild.

Michael Strickland said...

Well, I'm flying the Alaska Airlines Seattle/SF/Palm Springs flight on its way back home tomorrow evening on the Palm Springs-SF leg, and not only will the flight be hours late, but WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

Rachel said...

And now they're closing SF schools for Thursday? I don't know if I'm afraid to wake up tomorrow, or if I should be rolling my eyes (and buying a rain poncho).

the default attorney said...

I'm considering working from home tomorrow because I commute between SF and Novato. There were a few flooded 101 on ramps last week, as well as a good number of people who do not understand that you need to slow down in inclement weather. I enjoy being alive.