|Ugh. (Photo via SFWeekly.)|
ANYWAY, applying the precepts of the Greater Shitshow Theory, what started out as a cool small event eventually became a horrible public spectacle that people hate. (In New York it's apparently way worse.) In fact, the universal level of loathing in my Twitter feed proves that Santacon is one of the few things everyone I follow on Twitter agrees on: it's the Worst Thing in the World.
— Brock Keeling (@BrockKeeling) December 13, 2014
The only groups that celebrate SantaCon are white twentysomethings and pubic lice.
— Scott Simpson (@scottsimpson) December 13, 2014
Santacon: WHERE ARE THE RIOT POLICE WITH TEAR GAS AND RUBBER BULLETS WHEN YOU NEED THEM.That's just the smallest sample. It was way worse than that. It's like a group of privileged white people with more money than sense and no moral compass can't get teenager-on-Everclear drunk in the middle of the day and vomit in public while screaming incoherently any more! Boo hoo.
— KK (@crazyhate) December 13, 2014
But this total opprobrium made me think: there is nothing that 100% of the people agree on (including, as Hunter S. Thompson sagely noted, "Jesus Christ and pure cocaine"), and those drunk Santas all look like they were doing it voluntarily, so where is the pro-Santacon Internet? Why aren't I seeing tweets like "Having a great time at Santacon! This is more fun than going to Dartmouth as a legacy and denying that white privilege exists!"
Pretty simple, I guess. Everyone's Internet is a pretty small slice. I don't follow any finance bros on Twitter because I don't know any finance bros in real life, I guess. Sure, I have some hate-follows, and I read certain blogs that make me actually angry every time, but doesn't everyone? Getting outraged is practically America's national sport. Baseball has nothing on "WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT VACCINES IS WRONG WRONG WRONG HOPE YOUR KIDS ENJOY AUTISM." But for our Daily Bread, we follow and read people pretty much like people we know in the meatspace (worst term ever I've been dying to use). I remember talking to some dude at a party and mentioning something I read on SFist and he said "What's SFist" and the room started to spin and I got dizzy and then I remembered that Everyone Makes Their Own Internet and SFist isn't exactly the New York Times. It's one of my daily stops (if for no other reason, to hate-read Miles Long's hilariously stupid babycon takes on everything) but most people - even most people in SF - don't know it exists.
So there's a whole universe of pro-Santacon (and pro-everything else awful) Twitter out there, I'm sure. Just not mine. Which, fine.