Famous web site Buzzfeed is looking to hire a "Staff Writer, San Francisco." Since I already staff write just for fun and enjoy lazily daydreaming about leaving the choking conformist corporate culture of my current job I decided to see if I'd be a likely candidate to staff write for Buzzfeed. No, it turns out, I would not.
First, I am over 25 and have a decent haircut, and it says right there on the site "NOTICE: WE DO NOT HIRE ANYONE OVER 25 OR ANYONE WITH A NORMAL HAIRCUT."
Here are the "Responsibilities" meaning what I would be doing during the time I'm not looking at other, better web sites.
Here we have requirements, which is the part I like to call "WHY I WON'T BE HIRED TO BE STAFF WRITER FOR BUZZFEED"
Well, on behalf of me and other haters, fuck you, Buzzfeed. You won't silence us!
(Also, BUZZ FEED, I have to check the manual but I think "18 Times Paris Hilton Committed Gloriously Bad Crimes Against Fashion" is the work of a HATER so you may yet have haters on staff! Commence your purge of haters AT ONCE!!!)
Let's see what else. I'm not 100% sure what emotional intelligence is but I probably have that. I have the ability, but not the willingness, to take the perspective of others, so I'm good there. My dog had a "positive, curious, playful disposition" but I couldn't say I do.
Ok then. This has been 17 Great Reasons Why I Won't Get a Job at Buzzfeed.