First up is Sarah Palin. Remember that this woman once had a reasonable chance to become President of the United States. Well, not really, but much closer than us. If just 12 or 13 states had changed their mind and swung McCain's way, and then he was accidentally shot in Florida while trying to go to the dentist or buy a newspaper, today we'd have President Palin telling Vladimir Putin to get his troops out of Usain Bolt.
Here's the video:
She appears to be - and I say appears to be because I'm not sure Sarah Palin even knows what she's saying - responding to the claim that a worker in America should be able to survive on the minimum wage, which I personally think is a reasonable proposition but not Sarah Palin.
(Credit to some poor bastard intern at Slate who had to transcribe this group of words that were put together and tumbled out of this lady's mouth in no particular order)
"We believe?” Wait, I thought fast food joints, hurh. Don’t you guys think that they’re like of the Devil or something ... Liberals, you want to send those evil employees who would dare work at a fast food joint that you just don’t believe in, thought you wanted to, I dunno, send them to Purgatory or somethin’ so they all go vegan and, uh, wages and picket lines I dunno they’re not often discussed in Purgatory, are they? I dunno why are you even worried about fast food wages because ... Well we believe in an America where minimum wage jobs, they're not like life time gigs, they're stepping stones.
There appear to be at least two ideas going on here. One is that "liberals" don't like fast food joints, so why would you care what happens to the people who have to work there? Oh, Sarah. This may be a difficult concept for you to grasp, but it's possible to not endorse a product but still care about the people who are forced to work to produce that product. I feel terrible for the poor schmucks who have to put together your brain-damaged drivel and put it on the Internet! See?
Also, we're liberals, we don't believe in Purgatory, although watching this video is probably a close approximation.
The second idea is at the end. Minimum wage jobs aren't supposed to be "life time gigs," but stepping stones. OK then! You need to get off your ass and CREATE SOME MOTHERFUCKING JOBS and then hire some fast food workers.
Video #2 is an advertisement for Modelo Especial, an unexceptional Mexican beer that wants to grab the dbags-who-think-they're-hipsters market.
Although the problems with the scenario depicted in this ad are legion, here are my main points:
1. "Good thing you invited Tommy, who triples your street cred." What, because he's wearing an Urban Outfitters beanie and some Warby Parkers and didn't shave today? Maybe he triples your street cred in a nursery school or an Applebee's.
2. "You order three Modelo Especials, earning seven slow nods from the crowd." When is the last time you gave a fuck what some 20-something toolbag at the bar was ordering, let alone gave a "slow nod" to indicate your approval? If seven people a a bar gave me a "slow nod" when I ordered a cheap Mexican beer I would assume they were all in town for a Parkinson's convention.
3. "Then you remember your ace in the hole, Dylan, and his encyclopedic knowledge of garage rock." OH GREAT THE THREE GUYS HERE FOR THE FIRST TIME ARE TAKING OVER THE JUKEBOX WITH THE ONLY SONICS SONG ANYONE KNOWS BECAUSE IT'S ALREADY BEEN IN 28 COMMERCIALS. Great going, Dylan. Your encyclopedic knowledge of commercially palatable garage rock is going to get all our asses kicked.
I'm apparently not the only one bothered by this ad.
That classic question: If you had a time machine, would you go back and kill the person responsible for the Modelo Especial commercial?
— The Tens (@thetens) August 19, 2014