I'm no TV critic - although I should be a TV critic - but you didn't need any special experience or training to realize, after only watching for a minute or two, that the Emmys show last night was fucking terrible.
"BUT TK WHY WERE YOU EVEN WATCHING THE EMMYS SINCE BREAKING BAD WAS ON?" That's a fair question. It's because our child goes to bed around 8 and we can't watch Breaking Bad until she goes to bed because she'll like BLAH BLAH BLAH talk through the whole thing. Six month olds, what a pain in the ass. Anyway, so we had a lot of time to fill until 8 pm and it was on and what, are we supposed to NOT WATCH TV?
So we had the misfortune of watching some of this crapfest. First of all, every single writer who worked on this show should never work in the television or film or any type of creative industry ever again, because the scripted dialogue was so painfully unfunny and awkward that I felt keenly vicariously embarrassed for every person that had to mouth those awful, awful words they read on the screen in front of them. EXAMPLE: Twerking has been in the news lately, so there were lots of twerking references, but without any actual jokes, as if the writers assumed that just saying the word "twerking" would provoke gales of laughter. Not so.
Here, I'll write some better dialogue for the Emmys FOR FREE. Let's have, say, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Eminem present the award for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series.
EMINEM: Hi Julia, I heard you make or are on TV.
JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS: [blank stare]
EMINEM: I got mad love for supporter actress.
JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS: [drools slightly]
[laughter & applause]
Jeff Daniels, who I'm sure is a very nice man but whose gifts as an actor are, shall we say, not abundant, won Best Actor in a Drama Series, over some guys you may have heard of, like Bryan Cranston and Jon Hamm. You know, ACTORS. Jesus fucking Christ.
But nothing was more embarrassing for everyone involved than the godawful dance number in the middle of the show that featured dancers SIMULATING COOKING METHAMPHETAMINE and that wasn't even the weirdest part.
Or maybe it was. I don't know. Like I said, I'm not a TV critic so how would I know. Anyway, this bizarre and disturbing dance number was somehow related to the award for choreography, which was essentially pointless because every single person nominated worked on So You Think You Can Dance or something and also who gives a fuck.
In conclusion, I should not have watched any part of this show and we should all agree to not watch it ever again, unless Ricky Gervais is hosting.