Thursday, September 12, 2013

California needs a new state fish, and SHARK IS IT

Formerly local Twitterer / very occasional blogger / dedicated sports enthusiast LSUCaligirl alerted me earlier today to a sad but true fact about California's state fish:


I know what you're thinking. "Who gives a fuck?What the fuck is a garibaldi?" It's this thing:


Ugh. Garibal-DON'T, more like.  Why are we, as proud Californians, saddled with such a plain, even ugly state fish?  I have no idea and don't feel like researching this.  Obviously some loser in the Legislature heard from the powerful Garibaldi Lobby and the deal was done.

Incidentally, California has 2 state fishes - the Garibaldi is the state salt water fish, and Golden trout is the state fresh water fish.  Yawn.  (Obviously, there is a killer Wikipedia page of US state fishes.)

So she had a great idea!


NOW WE ARE FUCKING TALKING. As far as I can tell, for some bizarre and unexplainable reason, no other state has already snapped up shark as their state fish, so we can have it!  HOW BADASS WOULD THAT BE.

"Hey Delaware, what you got?  The fuck you say? Your state fish is the fucking WEAKFISH? How about fucking GREAT WHITE SHARK over here?" Delaware leaves crying. The Brook Trout is a perfectly nice fish, I'm sure, but you'd think between Virginia, Vermont, Pennsylvania, New York, New Jersey, New Hampshire, and Michigan, somebody could have picked something else.  ENOUGH WITH ALL THE TROUT.

(I will hand it to Hawaii, though.  By selecting the unpronounceable Humuhumunukunukuapua'a as their fish, they have immunized themselves against shit-talking.  "Yo Hawaii, I heard your humu...humumumu...ah, fuck it.")

So let's get over this Willie Brown Bridge thing and concentrate on what really matters: naming the motherfucking GREAT WHITE SHARK our official state saltwater fish.

CALIFORNIA, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!

3 comments:

Tamagosan said...

I'm so pro. Garibaldis may be the delight of Catalina Island divers, but bloated goldfish can't hold a candle to anything with rows of teeth.

They hold a very special place in my heart, having spent a lot of time underwater in Guam with reef sharks and the occasional bull shark, and frankly, their lobby needs all the help it can get: http://www.sfgate.com/science/article/Shark-fin-ban-stands-while-opponents-challenge-law-4765894.php

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