Mad Men #9: She seemed fine a minute ago!

Well, well. Like all right-thinking women, Faye has finally succumbed to Don Draper’s charms and is giving up the goods in a most furniture-disturbing way. She better get slappy if she wants this to be a recurring role, though, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. Then DD takes off and leaves her in his apartment with the awesome line “I’m taking everything interesting with me.” O RLY? I didn’t see you taking your Stewardess Porn and fusion reactor and coin collection with you!

Back at the office, Roger’s hitting on Joan again. Oh, Roger. Guess what? Her husband’s been called up to Vietnam. Start the clock! This guy has less than a season to live, I bet. Or else he’ll come home a Damaged Man, like Rambo. (Incidentally, what was Rambo’s first name? Does anyone remember? It would be awesome if it was, like, “Nigel” or “Bert”.) But probably not. We should just start calling him Friendly Fire now.

What’s the Lesbian’s name? I can’t remember. Oh, wait, it’s Joyce. That seems about right. Joyce comes around again and takes Pegs out to P.J. Clarke’s to meet up with Abe. Abe from the Marijuana Party. Abe is like Chris Daly with fewer F-Bombs. He talks a lot about the Oppressed and Corporations and stuff. But he’s not down with Women's Struggle for Equality! That bums out Pegs, because she’s one. She’s good at getting drinks from the bartender, though! Women are always good at that. Wait, that was sexist.

Hey, do you think there’s still home delivery for Swedish Massage, like Roger sent Joan? I bet there is, but it’s called something different now. Sigh, now that Craigslist got rid of Adult Services we’ll never know. Anyway, another scene of Roger hitting on Joan. WE GET IT, WEINER. Get to the good part.

OK, now Abe shows up at the office. This is the Face of Pre-Internet Stalkery. You used to have to do your stalking in person, like a man. Or I guess you could hire a private detective or something, you get the picture. Anyway, Abe wants to post a disturbing screed on Peggy’s wall, but since there’s no Facebook or Internet or computers or electronic stuff, he has to hand it to her in person. AWKWARD.

There’s a whole thing with Fillmore Auto and a stuttering guy that I wasn’t really paying attention to that much about so you can read about that somewhere else.

Guess what? They had Take Your Daughter to Work Day back then, except daughters had to find their own way to the office and it involved an old lady on the train. That’s how Sally shows up at SCDP, anyway. Or this is the start of a new sitcom!! “Don & Co.”!!!! I like it! Don gets Faye to babysit her because Faye’s a Woman. They go to Don’s and watch Oprah or something.

Then something happens but I’ve been alerted that some people don’t like spoilers so if you understand Pig Latin, don’t read the next sentence. Issus-may Lankenship-bay ies-day. I’m going to miss her quips. That scene where they sneak her body out is kind of a comic highlight of the whole season. Whoops, that may have been a spoiler right there. Anyway, Roger uses the occasion to hit on Joan some more. Then they get mugged and this prompts them to have a quickie in the alley. That’s how most people react to getting mugged.

Sally’s spending the night at Don’s place. They have Girl Talk on the couch about Faye. Don like Faye! Like, really likes her! Then they work on their collages. Later, DD picks up his journal and I’m scared the voiceover’s going to start again but WHEW just a false alarm. The next morning, Sally makes Rum Waffles. I hope the Mad Men Cookbook comes out soon, because I’m going to start making Rum Waffles all the time.

Then there’s this really weird scene at the end when Sally’s running in the office and falls down and suddenly like 5 Office Ladies appear and DD’s new secretary is all comforting her and I guess she’s going to be New Mommy someday. Then Bets comes by for the Sally handoff and all the Office Ladies appear in the doorway like they’re the Chorus or something and they should be chanting “BEEEEETTTTTYYYYYY…..you are moooorrrrrrrtalllllllll.” This is funnier if you’ve ever seen any Euripides.

COMING UP NEXT WEEK: Everyone says things with A LOT OF EMPHASIS.