ST. LOUIS (AP) — The Detroit Tigers altered their rotation and the middle of their lineup Thursday, placing left-hander Dontrelle Willis on the 15-day disabled list with an anxiety disorder and benching slumping slugger Magglio Ordonez indefinitely.
(Blah blah blah Dontrelle's problems are not just mechanical blah blah)
Willis went on the DL hours before an interleague game against the Cardinals, who activated Khalil Greene from the 15-day disabled list for social anxiety disorder. Greene was not in the lineup with the team planning to ease him back into competition.
Remember when ballplayers were rugged tough guys who'd play a doubleheader, then chase skirts and get into fights until 4 a.m.?
Now they're delicate posies who suffer from social anxiety disorder and have to stay in their rooms and paste stickers in their My Little Pony diaries lest they come into contact with another human being. Fuck.