Everyone, please welcome Leland aboard.
Leland was referred to us by executive search firm/placement service Rocket Dog Rescue, as they felt he had a skillset compatible with the needs of our operation. After a successful interview, marred only by Leland shitting on the floor because he was nervous, Leland joined our firm as a full-time employee.
Leland comes to us from Los Banos, where he was previously employed in an unknown capacity, but which clearly did not involve any knowledge of the words "sit," "stay," or "Do not hassle that cat, Leland! She will take your fucking face off! You are messing with the wrong goddam cat!"
Leland, 6, plans to live here at 40goingon28 HQ. He is gregarious and has the energy of a hummingbird on Ritalin. In his spare time, he enjoys walking at a breakneck pace, relaxing on the couch, and anything bacon-flavored.
Please join me in extending a warm welcome to the newest member of our team.