Hormel Compleats are these little microwaveable meals that you don't have to refrigerate and you heat up at work and make you feel like an administrative assistant at an insurance company in Dayton, Ohio and taste like failure and sadness.
Here's what one looks like before you put it in the microwave in the break room and have an awkward conversation with a coworker who's getting her salad out of the fridge about just what the fuck you're about to put into your body:
Here's what one looks like before you put it in the microwave in the break room and have an awkward conversation with a coworker who's getting her salad out of the fridge about just what the fuck you're about to put into your body:
Here's another picture of my Compleats next to a cool miniature skull I bought at Chichen Itza. You're not doing a very good job of warding off evil, Mr. Skull!!!!
BEEP. It's been 2 minutes. My Compleats is ready! Ouch, it's hot. Here it is!
MMMMM MMMMMM. Doesn't that look good? No, it doesn't. There are a lot of unfortunate things you could say this looks like, but "Beef Steak & Peppers" is not one of them.It tasted like food of some type. I didn't gag or spit it out. Maybe "Santa Fe Style Chicken with beans and rice" will be better. Hey, it was only 210 calories! That saves me like 300 extra calories for beers tonight. I'd call that a win.
Dude! That first paragraph was hilarious. And the rest of the post was totally entertaining.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever seen "Food in Real Life?" They have similar dissections of food fails like this one...
foodirl.com
Todos Somos Patton Oswalt!
ReplyDeleteHORRIFIED.
ReplyDelete@Greg - Thanks!
ReplyDelete@generic - Yeah, I didn't really think about it, but I guess I did veer a little close to Patton's KFC bowls bit. Oh well, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Or something like that.
And also, as long as I have you on the line, I have to reiterate what a BITCH it is that I can't comment on your posts on Tumblr. I might start a blog where I just repost your posts with my comments underneath.
I think we're totally allowed to internalize our favorite artists to the point where we don't even realize we're quoting them. I do it with Mamet & Sorkin all the time.
ReplyDeleteRaging over tumblr comments makes for good bar talk. By the way, this is probably my new favorite post of yours, so far.