Friday, December 18, 2009

Goldschlager is a sometimes food

You thought you could always count on Cookie Monster. Sure, we can't smoke in the grocery store any more, people look at you funny if you have a couple of Crown Royal rocks at lunch, and now I have to bring my own tote bag to the grocery store like an NPR listener with a little grey ponytail. Fine, whatever. At least Cookie Monster was still out there. He was all FUCK YOUR RULES, I EAT COOKIES, THAT'S WHAT I DO, TAKE YOUR SALAD AND YOUR SOY MOCHA AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS.

Then they got to him too. Because you know what? Now "cookie is a sometimes food." Oh, fuck, CM, I am so sorry. You were the rebel, the danegrous one, and now you're putting on your New Spirit cross-trainers and doing yoga and having a smoothie. This sucks. I prefer to remember you as you were:



Cookie was good enough for all of us, Cookie Monster. For all of us.

Don't stare at Oscar the Grouch if he's looking a little placid and glassy-eyed. It's the klonopin.

4 comments:

  1. Few years back they started making him eat carrots and shit. It actually made me hurt a little bit.

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  3. Oh, man, my most embarrassing drunken escapade ever involved Goldschlager. So shiny. So sweet.

    But for the love of god please avoid associating that trauma with my favorite childhood puppet. Nom nom nom.

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  4. I've forever associated Cookie Monster with Avenue Q's Trekkie Monster. The Internet Is For Porn = pure id.

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