The Many Faces of Vic Vegas

You know I love me some Bar Rescue, the maybe-somewhat-staged show on Spike TV in which noted bar expert/bar-related Intermittent Explosive Disorder sufferer Jon Taffer and crew make over a failing bar, which usually involves cleaning up a shithole, installing new taps, hanging a bunch of flat screens on the wall, and calling it a day.

Last night's season finale was a cut above the usual episode, however, in its outsized cartoonishness and over-the-top conflict.  It was great.

Now, Jon Taffer, although he is clearly an amazing person, can't do it alone.  In every episode, he is accompanied by a Master Mixologist (in recent episodes, more often than not, it has been Russell Davis, who worked in some capacity at Rickhouse and appears to be a legit cocktail guy) and a chef (this season, usually former Top Chef contestant Tiffany Derry, who, again, appears to be legitimately good at what she does).

Russell and Tiffany were absent last night, and OH THANK GOD because in Tiffany's place we got VIC VEGAS, who looks like a UFC fighter and, we will learn, is the UFC of chefs.  A little Googling reveals that Vic Vegas was a former contestant on "Next Food Network Star" and his goal appears to be making Guy Fieri look restrained and classical.

Vic Vegas, a former contestant on "Next Food Network Star," is opening a restaurant this weekend in the hills of Anthem.

Simply called Vic's, the 180-seat restaurant opens Saturday, promising unobstructed views of Las Vegas with a menu the chef is calling country club meets rock 'n' roll.

"To me, the experience at Vic's will be like being seated in the rear of a Bentley while cranking up "Welcome to the Jungle" with someone like The Rock as your chauffeur," he said.

What a coincidence!  That's exactly what Thomas Keller said he wanted French Laundry to be like.  ANYWAY, w're not here to talk about Vic Vegas' culinary vision.  We're here to talk about Vic Vegas' amazing reaction shots.

What happens on the show is, before Jon Taffer + crew come in to save your bar, they sit in an SUV outside and watch covert secret surveillance footage of all the jackassery that you, the bar owner, either commit or permit to be committed.  Last night's episode, as it happens, featured two roided-out owners who occasionally did some male stripping and then also got in fights, as if they couldn't think of any other ways to express their affection for one another.  Vic Vegas watched the proceedings from the SUV and his reactions ranged from horror to a profound sadness.

This is the "Oh my God why you gotta do that to an innocent mozzarella stick?"

Vic Vegas is pained.  "I am pained."

This is the "Now what now?"

Surprise, with an extra cup of surprise on the side.  In fact, I love this whole tableau.  JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHAT JUST HAPPENED.

And finally, a deep and penetrating sadness that not even a Bentley driven by the Rock could erase.

One final note about Bar Rescue: apparently they tried to recruit Shotwell's, a perfectly fine bar that, to my eyes anyway, in no way needs the services Bar Rescue provides.

Dude, Bar Rescue has called the bar three times this week asking that we be on the show.. I'm kind of offended
— Shotwells Bar - Beer (@Shotwellsbar) May 4, 2014

One can only image what they'd do to Shotwell's. They took the bar last night, a sports bar called The End Zone, and gave it the massively uninspiring name Houston Sports Hub, which sounds like an athletic complex with raquetball courts and a pool.  What a fucking terrible name.  My dream is that they'd rename Shotwell's something like T.J. McBeery or the Blendery.  IN FACT, Shotwell's should go all pomo and go on the show IRONICALLY.  I mean, we'd all know it, but Jon Taffer and Vic Vegas wouldn't.  Hilarious!