World Series Game 3: HUNTER PENCE COMES ALIVE

Eschewing my normal routine of watching Giants World Series games at home, I headed out with some associates to Nickie's on Haight Street (WARNING SITE AUTOPLAYS MUSIC WHY YOU HAVE TO DO THAT NICKIE'S) last night.  Normally I have to watch games in a controlled environment because I get tense and nervous and can't have some chick over my shoulder yelling for a Midori Sour or complaining loudly about her boyfriend but I was like fuck it, Giants are feeling loose and so am I.

It was packed.  PACKED.  They weren't letting anyone else in after like 5:30 and so this very exclusive crowd sailed off together on the SS Making Shit Happen and generally had a great time.

What happened?  Here's what happened:

* Ryan Vogelsong went 5 2/3 innings which doesn't sound like much but also doesn't convey how totally dominant he was.  He walked a few and scatted a couple of hits but basically the Tigers were never really in it.  He was really good.

* And then TIM LINCECUM.  Tim!  What a story.  From consecutive Cy Youngs to the worst starting pitcher in the major leagues to the best reliever in World Series history I think I may be wrong about that but I'm pretty sure and it seems like it.  He just casually came in and struck out 3 guys and really, it wasn't cool or funny to beat up on people like that.  It was just MEAN what he did.  They were swinging at shit in the dirt and looking around like they were on Punk'd because how can someone throw a baseball and make it do shit like that.  Fucking insane.

* The Giants didn't score much but you only need to win by 1 and they got 2 just for the fuck of it.  Both in the second inning and then no more scoring at all.  In any other context, this is fucking boring.  In baseball, it's thrilling and gut-wrenching.  Well, sorta.  You have to be into baseball.

* Hunter Pence!  Remember all those times Hunter Pence was terrible and couldn't hit baseballs and generally looked even more insane than normal?  WELL WELL last night Hunter Pence just went 2 for 3 with a walk and a run scored and also caught EVERY SINGLE BALL HIT INTO THE OUTFIELD and now I will pick Hunter Pence first for kickball and I want him on my Birthing Team when my child is born and I'm totally cool with Hunter Pence just dropping by unannounced at 11:00 p.m. on a Sunday to smoke a little weed and we'll put some of those frozen TGI Friday's mozzarella sticks in the oven and watch Adult Swim together.

Vice called Hunter Pence "a one-man SOON meme who runs as if his feet were being remote-controlled by two different seven-year-olds" so if the shoe fits....

*Haha, on MLB.com you can totally choose "Giants recap" or "Tigers recap". That's great!  They should do that for everything, so like the "Israelite recap" is "PLAGUES RAIN DOWN AS ISRAELITES KICK EGYPTIAN ASS" and the Egyptian recap is "GUEST WORKERS UNEXPECTEDLY DEPART; NILE NOW PLEASING SHADE OF RED".  Anyway, looks pretty good for the Giants now. Did I just do an Exodus joke? What am I, working a room in the Catskills in 1952?

* Please don't let Hector Sanchez be the DH again.  PLEEEEEASE.

OK!  Let's get out there tonight and have a good game, people.  Mission residents, GET YOUR MATTRESSES READY!