I am on some next level Mad Men shit

YOU GUYS! I've been thinking about changing careers. And you know what sounds good to me? RISK MANAGEMENT. No, I'm totally fucking with you. Are you ready to hear it now?

A D V E R T I S I N G.

That's right. I want to sit in a conference room with some other creatives and a whiteboard and some half-eaten sandwiches and we'll toss ideas around the room and try to figure out how to make people want to eat Tater Tots or drive a Volvo. In fact, I want to be the first person in the history of advertising to develop a car commercial that doesn't feature shots of the car speeding through the Bonneville Salt Flats or down Highway 1.

ANYWAY, I thought I'd get a few ideas together first to show off my mad skillz. FIRST UP, that "Pork, the other white meat" campaign is SO TIRED. So I was thinking, let's jazz that shit right up!


Not bad, huh? I think it will appeal to the demo we want. Pork is an edgy, sexy meat, not boring like your Dad's stupid old beef. The Pork Me campaign will get tastemakers talking about pork again!

NEXT! Virgin America is an awesome airline, but they're in the shitter, money-wise. Let's stop playing around here. Virgin America is an airline for people who use and enjoy drugs. I mean, everyone knows it. Why try and hide it? Like the trance music playing at the gates wasn't enough? The purple and pink color scheme? Come on. Let's stop lying to ourselves.


I don't even know what their current slogan is or even if they have one but this will crush it. Also, LET'S LISTEN TO THAT SONG AGAIN FOR ABOUT A HUNDRED TIMES ON REPEAT.

How about San Francisco tourism? I'm picturing a major print campaign. Travel & Leisure, Conde Nast, all that shit.


I know, right? KILLING IT. I got a lot more ideas, too! Call me and we'll have lunch and talk about it.