Lexicon of the Damned

Those words or phrases that make your skin crawl.

So I had made some kind of large food item, like a pasta thing or something, and I told The Wife that it was cool, we could "just eat on it all week." Her eyes rolled back in her head and she started shaking. "Don't say that," she said. "DON'T EVER SAY THAT." Turns out "eat on it" is one of those things she can't bear to hear. It makes her physically uncomfortable.

Here are some others that The Wife hates:

little boys / little girls room

I agree, anything infantilizing I also generally really dislike. Along those same lines, telling someone (usually a woman) that they "need to put on their big girl panties" is just awful.

Cool beans / coolio

Not the hip hop artist Coolio, but the practice of saying "coolio" for "cool" or "OK." Same with "cool beans." I had a friend who went so far as to say "Kool Moe D" for "cool," but the less said about that the better. He was something of a master at this kind of thing. He had a friend or roommate, I forget, named "Aundra," whom he referred to as "Bed, Bath, and Beyaundra."

I, personally, can't stand:

Popping [his/her/one's] cherry

I'm not sure whether it's the overtly sexual reference or it might just be the word "popping," but I loathe this phrase when used to mean "introducing someone to something for the first time," e.g., "Last night we went to the symphony and I popped Felicia's Mahler cherry."

Flip a bitch

As in "perform a U-turn." I don't know, it just makes my teeth grind together. Maybe because of the faux-bad-boy-ness of it all? Repugnant.

Anything-sauce

Lamesauce. Awesomesause. Killyourselfsauce.

Ping me

No. You are neither a submarine nor a Chinese panda. You are not getting "pinged." If you would like me to call you or email you, simply say that.