Mad Men #4: Let's cry it out

Brief nudity! Now we’re getting somewhere. It better be January Jones. So we begin on the set of a rollicking new comedy starring all the same people from Mad Men. Seriously, who wrote this episode, Neil Simon? What’s with the one-liners and the “Oh, there’s a fire by Radio City” and whatnot? I mean, it’s great, we’ll take it, but seriously.

Peggy’s getting ready to take a walk on the wild side. She takes an elevator ride with the girl from Life who’s showing off some Very Tasteful Nudes. That’s how they used to do porn. Today we get a midget peeing on a donkey but in 1965 they had to look at sideboob and imagine what the rest looks like. In other news, Peggy is going to be wearing mustard-colored clothes all episode, get used to it.

(Incidentally, one of the members of our extended Mad Men familia had an epiphany or moment of religious ecstasy or something because she pointed at the screen and yelled “HOLY SHIT THAT CHICK WAS IN KICKING AND SCREAMING” and I’m just going to hope she meant the funny, clever 1995 comedy with Chris Eigeman and Olivia d’Abo (who used to be super-hot and I don’t even know what she’s doing these days) and not the Will Ferrell thing from a couple of years ago because I may not be able to talk to her any more if she recognizes people from Will Ferrell movies. ANYWAY, no independent confirmation on the Kicking and Screaming thing so if you want a project today, match up the two cast lists on IMDB and go to town.)

That little shitbag Pete Campbell has to dump his father-in-law’s Clearasil account so they meet up in a bar and FIL tells him Trudy is pregnant. Great, just what the world needs, another Pete Campbell. In fact, Pete II would be about 45 years old today and I think it’s this super-annoying little fuck that works on the 4th floor. That’s what I think.

Joan calls a meeting of the Office Girls! Oh, wait, it’s a focus group led by Faye. Oh, wait, it’s fucking est or Landmark or something. There is a LOT of crying in Focus Group! Peggy is not having it because She Is a Strong Woman. “Your problem is not my problem,” Peggy says. There’s your fucking tagline, Ponds! In the ad, we will see a couple of peeps knocking on this lady’s door and they say they are collecting money for the orphans and she says “Your problem is not my problem” and then smears Ponds on her face and then it goes SCHHHONGGGG and a big bottle of Ponds smacks you in the face. Fuck, I should have gone into advertising.

Ken’s back and he doesn’t like McCann and he also doesn’t like Pete. Join the fucking club, Ken. Oh, now here we have the showdown between Don and his Sexretary. She wants a recommendation letter and he says to write one up and he’ll sign it and she doesn’t like that. Now what the fuck is wrong with that? That sounds like a great fucking deal to me. “This is a fucking stone killer secretary. In between taking dictation and writing up some motherfucking Gregg shorthand, she will also run your office like the control room of a submarine and can basically print money out of her hair. If you don’t hire her, you might as well shoot yourself in the fucking face. Love Don.”

The Power Lesbian is back and now she’s sharking on a secretary! Whoa, Power Lesbian, one at a time! She invites Peggy to some art thing/excuse for smoking the reefer and this party looks like a scene from every bad 60’s movie. Seriously, all they need is a guy with a goatee and a beret hitting his little drum and saying “Cool, man, real cool.” Power Lesbian, who looks like Sarah Silverman, makes some crack about renting your vagina and it’s one of those things you think is funny but it’s really not. Then the cops bust their party and Peggy hides out with some Pot Bro and I don’t remember what else happened.

To wrap up:

- Don gets a new secretary and if they think just because she looks like Dame Edna Don won’t bang her, they’d be surprised.
- Peggy congratulates Pete on his new baby and oh, by the way, remember when I had your baby? Who else are you going to get to have your baby? Huh? Every fucking woman in this office? How many goddam babies do you need?
- I am getting pretty fucking sick of Don and Faye talking instead of having sex.
- Did you get pears? I don't know, I'm 120 fucking years old and I'm in a hallway with Don Draper and fuck it, I can't even remember.