Today in the News

1. The whole Obama - Rev. Jeremiah Wright thing

OK, let's start with the fundamentals. This Wright guy has obviously said some stuff that sounds completely incendiary to white people but which (I suspect, not being black) aren't that big a deal to black people. I mean, the idea that the whole country is against you - where could blacks have gotten that idea? I can't believe I'm about to type these words, but I think Mike Huckabee - Mike Huckabee! - pretty much nailed it:

And one other thing I think we've got to remember: As easy as it is for those of us who are white to look back and say, "That's a terrible statement," I grew up in a very segregated South, and I think that you have to cut some slack. And I'm going to be probably the only conservative in America who's going to say
something like this, but I'm just telling you: We've got to cut some slack to people who grew up being called names, being told, "You have to sit in the balcony when you go to the movie. You have to go to the back door to go into the restaurant. And you can't sit out there with everyone else. There's a separate
waiting room in the doctor's office. Here's where you sit on the bus." And you know what? Sometimes people do have a chip on their shoulder and resentment. And you have to just say, I probably would too. I probably would too. In fact, I may
have had a more, more of a chip on my shoulder had it been me.

Holy shit. Did a Republican just say that? Mike Huckabee, you make sense to me. Now if you'd just stop saying that we should amend the Constitution to make it legal to stone witches, I'd be on board with you.

2. Barry Bonds - victim of collusion?

The MLB players' union is investigating why no team wants to hire Bonds this season and darkly hints that they're colluding against him. Oh, you lovable goofballs! It couldn't have anything to do with the fact that he's an out-of-shape 43-year-old ex-steroid junkie who can't field his position for shit and is pretty much universally loathed by everyone outside the city limits of San Francisco, could it? Nope, gotta be collusion. Oh Christ.

3. The Bear Stearns bailout

This is boring and I don't understand it, so fuck it.