I'm the Giants' number 5 hitter. I'm supposed to be a big power hitter guy but I suck. I swing at everything like I'm Ike and the ball is Tina. Everybody talks about how awesome I am but no one has seen anyone throw a World Series performance this bad since the Black Sox. I should probably have a timeout for the next game and think about what I've done. FML.
I'm Jonathan Sanchez. I didn't freak out and go crazy eyes on anyone like I did to Chase Utley in the NLDS and I lasted more than 2 innings. Unfortunately, I gave up a 3-run homer to Mitch Moreland that was the deciding score in the game. That was muy malo. FML.
I'm Pablo Sandoval. People in SF loved me so much they started wearing all kinds of Panda shit and everything. Unfortunately, this year I didn't hit any better than Rickie Weeks and I only had 13 home runs. That's not going to make anyone forget Barry Bonds. Last night I went 0 for 3 as the DH. But I have a great personality. FML.
I'm a Giants fan. They could have swept in 4 and I'd still bitch about why it took so long. For me, every Cody Ross home run is kind of a failure if the bases aren't loaded. We are all going to die. FML.
Given this season, did you expect something different? Did you think it was going to be easy? You gotta be kidding me. But as Olu pointed out, they really only need to win 1 of 3 in Texas. I think it's a safe bet that they can then win 1 of 2 back here. I hope I'm not jinxing anything by saying that. Oh, wait, that's right, I just remembered, things I say or do have no effect on the outcomes of the games.
Except they do. You know it as well as I do. And I'm not wearing the shirt I wore last night for any more WS games.
(Also, man, that was one white-ass crowd at the Rangers' ballpark last night. Did you see any black people who weren't carrying a tray of candy?)
(Also, if you don't give a shit about baseball, the end is in sight. It's only a few more days. Then I promise I will write about - fuck, think about - something else.)